I think of it as my wayward wife smothering me in my sleep. The one person I trusted with everything (my life, my children, my finanes, my secrets) and now she used it against me. After 19 wonderful years and two great kids, this. It's unfathomable that this could happen. We always clucked at other couples when they broke up, how awful!
I too feel robbed, robbed of the golden years, robbed of grandchildren, robbed of growing old, all of that. There are days when I am engulfed in sadness that I really think that I can't bear it anymore. I then remember my two young children and how much they need a strong M in their lives. That usually snaps me out of it.
One thing this experience has taught me is to connect to others through pain. I know that may sound weird, but it was a level I never experienced. I now fully get it when someone loses someone either through death or by abandonment. How tragic for so many people that it affects.
I will carry this pain with me for the rest of my life but am trying hard to not be a victim but a survivor. I am hoping the pain turns into a scar. When that will be is up to God.
I am so glad you have family you can spend your week with. M family all lives on the East Coast and we came out here for work and to have a family. Ironic isn't it.
Now I have the career, children but not the family/wife.
Maybe we should look at this as how fortunate we were to have the years we had, look how much happinesss we did have and the children we do have, etc... That's how I am trying to reframe this even though I am far from "over this".
