But am I likely to make him think I'm on board with his plan, I've made it clear it isn't what I want. But he still acts like this is the inevitable and that sometime we are filing.. I also feel like I might end up put in that "friend" category.
I understand what your saying, its the exact thought I've had for a while now and I wish I had a solid answer for it. We just don't know for certain. What does work for one couple may not work for another. DB'ing has shown to be effective, but at times it goes against how we feel. That being said, the fact is if doing what people feel worked 100% of the time, the divorce rates wouldn't be over 50%.
My W is also very chatty and friendly when I seem to be in a good mood and chatty to her. Am I entering her friend zone? Maybe, maybe not. In the past I've wondered if I appeared too happy and was going down that path. When that thought comes up I would be less friendly to her and she wouldn't be nearly as chatty. Its not that I was mean, just less... happy and talkative. She has mentioned we might be friends in the future, to which I replied I wouldn't be her friend if we do D. We both have said to each other we are not each others friends right now, but we still act pretty friendly when were not avoiding each other.
You can state you don't approve of the D, just don't feel the need to do it over and over. The same with being his friend, if that's not what you want, just tell him when he mentions it. You can still be friendly, detach, validate and not be someones friend.
I think you somewhat answered your main question already, if being friendly is working for you, keep doing it, just don't overdue it. Try not to wonder what you think he thinks, it doesn't matter if it appears to him your on board. If you have told him how you felt already once, there's nothing else you can really do. Any more and your go into the pursuing/pressuring territory which we know doesn't work.
Accept what is, let go of what was, and have faith in what will be
