Wife had EA but does not admit to it...

[mvgfwd2]

Believe nothing what is said and only half what she does. That turned out to be very true for my wife's EA last summer. Same deal, an old boyfriend reconnected on FB led to a lot of talking, all day and night. She lied about meeting him in person until I found pictures. Lie, lie, lie until cornered, then lie again.

You need to set boundaries. Like for me it was full accessibility to phone, email, FB, texts, etc. and a message sent to the OM, that you see being sent, that it was over and no more communication. If that didn't happen me and my wife would have a big problem. Fortunately, she complied and did everything I requested so I didn't have to figure out what the consequences might be. Since then she didn't even try to make contact.

But you also need to work on you. Why did she feel the need to go outside the marriage for some emotional lift? Work on that. The reason may surprise you and may not have anything to do with what you did. My W, for example, was getting horrible advice about issues in our M from her family that wanted her back with the OM. It wasn't until ties to certain family members were cut entirely did she start thinking for herself. We have talked though a lot of the issues and regret not talking between us over the years instead of talking to outsiders.

Remember, marriage takes a lot of regular maintenance. I found a nice little program called "Text the Romance Back". Works wonders on keeping the fire burning.

FB must be the most destructive thing to happen to marriage since the start of the internet. I hate it.