If I type something insane, it's because I forgot my glasses and had to swing by Walgreens for a pair of readers that don't exactly work the same way. (My keyboard looks like it's tilted downward - WTF?)
Anyway.
Quote:
Does it ever stop feeling unnatural? Gah!
No. My kids are 21 and 18, and I've never felt good about it. It did get better when my D21 left for college. For some reason, it hit a reset button for me and gave me a little more perspective. Your role as a mom will change, but your title? Nope.
Like you, my XH deferred to me and then resented me too. I can't stop him from how he interacts with me, but I'll share what has helped somewhat in how I interact with him. When he says, "whatever you want to do" I say back, "If I were hit by a bus tomorrow, what would YOU do? I'm asking for YOUR opinion." It's made for a much better co-parenting experience.
I will tell you that this process was a lifesaver for me when my now D21 was 16-17 and we were barely speaking to each other. (BTW, that period lasted until she left for college.) It seemed as though we just couldn't get on the same page. While we were having a rough time, her dad had the benefit of not living with us and being the person who could speak with both of us. I credit him for helping us bridge a very difficult time.
It's also helped now. I've been uber busy with guardianship and my family caregiver classes. Busy enough that I haven't had time to devote to her current path of interviewing for internships, that process and talking things through. Her major is chemical engineering, and her dad is an EE by education. I haven't even had the time to wish it were me she was asking, and I'm really glad that he can help her in a field where I left more than 20 years ago. It truly has lightened my load.
What I'm trying to say is that there are long term benefits for everyone if you can "teach" him how to step up to this role. His deferring is out of habit. You're a new, improved Raliced and he just needs some time to see that.
I'm sorry your youngest is sick. Hope she's feeling better pronto so she can get back to normal. We've had a stomach bug floating around here for the past 6 weeks. It hit me last week, and I felt like I was going to vomit for a day. Don't know if she just ran into something yucky? After all, she's 3, and 3 year olds seem to be magnets for that kind of thing (distant memory that never really goes away).
You're doing fine. Really.
Happy Easter to you and your girls.
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
