I've spent the morning texting back and forth with STBX. He has both girls and will be returning them this afternoon (Yay!). Both last week and this week - D3 has started vomiting while at his house. He was trying to figure out what was causing it, mentioned that the house was spotless etc. My guess is there is some sort of allergen in the air that is really abundant where they live right now?
So first off, this is just part of divorce that blows. I hate that my children sleep elsewhere during the week - and knowing that they are sick while I am not around exacerbates it. Does it ever stop feeling unnatural? Gah!
And this circumstance kind of brings up two things...
I've been mulling around the topic that came up on my thread earlier this week. When it comes to the kids and they are in their father's care - when is something my business and when is it not? I guess I feel that anything that has to do with the health and well being of my minor children is my business. (And I'm not really talking about the smoking thing here - I accept that I was probably making a mountain out of a molehill on that one and my evidence was pretty flimsy anyway).
When I try and envision what a future as "co-parents" would look like - this is one area that seems pretty muddy.
And - I want to give STBX credit here - he does seem to proactively tell me when they are sick and basically asks me what he should do. And that brings me to the other topic that bothers me.
The "none of my business" thing pops up because I really have no idea about what goes on at their house and for obvious reasons STBX is not very forthcoming. However, honestly, for most things that require a child related decision- STBX seems to want to defer to me. For example, when I ask a question about how he would like to handle something on the schedule, the answer is inevitably "whatever you want" or "whatever you think is best" or even "I will defer to you". I've tried phrasing the questions differently, asking open ended questions, not even asking the questions, directly saying "No, STBX it is your choice" and the end result is always the same.
This is what he did during the marriage. The fact that he didn't want to own any decisions was a huge source of frustration for me, that I addressed directly many times. And then after BD, I remember saying to my DB coach that it felt like he always wanted me to drive the bus and that now he was upset about where I drove us. I guess I'm a little worried that the same thing will happen now - that he will expect me to make all the kid decisions and then resent me for doing so.
I'm not very articulate today - I hope this makes sense.
