yes, speak to a lawyer pronto! Money does crazy things to people. Apparently, she needs/wants you to support her financially. Wow! After all that has happened. Just Wow!
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
Hello everyone just thought i would update you all. had a conversation with W about the expectation of me giving her extra money and such. At first things got a bit heated, I explained to her that if she was going to keep making rude comments i was finished talk. She agreed and stopped. She stated that she was entitled to half the money because she is my W. I told her, though you are legally my W, you are literally not my W and i have not been your H for a while now. She begins to say that I pushed her into the affair, and that i am not without blame in the situation. I knew this was not where i wanted this conversation to go. So i just said look there are things i could have done better but we are all responsible for our own actions no matter what we may think. She stated "I have taken responsibility for my actions" I wanted to say B.S. but i just validated and asked to get back to the topic that we met to discuss! After a lengthy back and forth discussion, she conceded that after everything that has happened her asking for more money was not the right thing to do.
So fast forward four days later. Easter Sunday, I visited a buddies place and had a good day. One of his kids had never been on a motorcycle before and she asked if i could give her a ride. Of course i didn’t say no. So i went home since we lived right up the street grabbed my W's helmet and gave the kid a ride. Tuesday i get a nasty text asking where her helmet was. I stated what i had done and i apologized for leaving the helmet in my bike but i would be dropping off ASAP if she needed it. Her response was "I would appreciate if you would ask me to use my stuff, to let another woman use my stuff is rude and downright disrespectful." I will be honest this floored me. Specifically because, it was a child that used it. So i said you know what i am not going to deal with this, and furthermore i will just buy you another dang helmet! that is exactly what i did, I bought her a new one. She came in the house and said "you didn’t have to buy me a new helmet" i said yes i did, i am not going to play this game. she said its just the fact that you didn’t ask me to let another girl use my helmet. I told her, you know what W it was a child, an innocent act of giving a child a motorcycle ride and your calling it rude and disrespectful. I said i don’t know who you are anymore and frankly this entire situation has pissed me off. I'm done with this. i walked away and did my thing. She came back about 5 minutes later and said she was sorry! Wow i never expected that. I left it at that and went to the gym to burn off some steam.
I didn’t mean to get heated and argue with her but enough was enough on that situation. On a positive note i closed on my new apartment today so i will be moving in by the 18th.
'Is what you're doing/about to do bringing you closer to your goal?'
Hi Ry,
Think about the above. No matter the cause, I highly doubt you're going to reattract your W through shouting and arguing. It has to stop. I know about dealing with angry women who can't think straight - my W accused me of pouring water into a TV she had taken to her new place so it would blow up.
It seems you are good at stepping away from conflict at times and keeping on task in conversations, but work on how you are going to deal with 'hot' topics. How's your validating going? Clearly your W got the wrong end of the stick over the helmet. Does anything she say have some validity? Child or not, other people using my stuff without permission would bug me. Im not agreeing with your W, just saying maybe if you had validated her on the helmet but at the same.time pointed out 'wow, I guess I didn't think that would apply to a child' in a non sarcastic way things might have gone better.
For me, still a million miles from where I want to be in my sitch, the thing that has improved relations dramatically in recent weeks has been being able to find something to agree on in any conversation, being positive, and largely letting the rest go.
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
No way in he!! would I have validated her feelings over this.
My opinion??? She thought you were lying and another woman used it, she was mad and trying to get you to say you were with someone else. Once she realized you really were telling the truth she knew she was wrong. Good job standing up for yourself.
Me: 35 husband:39 Sons 16 and 11 from my first marriage Twins 5 (boy/girl) Daughter 3 Affair bomb 2/27/14 He moved in with ow 3/13/14 OW kicked him out 6/15/14 4/2016 he seeks help for sexual addiction
Alpha, The good thing was, it was not a scream fest lol, i stated my anger flatly and with conviction that was it. I have moved past actually having those heated reactions. I do try and validate as much as i can. With this one i appologized and explain what i had done, maybe not a validation but i did acknowledge i was wrong for forgeting it in my bike. after i appologized i felt like she was projecting onto me. I just felt it needed to express open and honestly how that made me feel, and show her how it made me feel. things seem to be fine actually. She came over to grab more of her things to put into storage and she was nice. We actually smiled and sang along to some songs that i was listening to before i went on my run.
Twin, that was the vibe I was getting and to be honest I usually would just shrug it off or ignore her little snide statements; but I guess knowing how innocent the whole situation was really bothered me. I decided I needed actually stand up for myself. And express myself, I don't think always validating and avoiding all conflict is the way to go. There has to be time where you stand your ground even if it brings conflict.
Sorry to hear alpha. But also good to hear youare still moving on. It's all script still. Stuff like this makes me wonder if those WAWs' will ever get it. Honesty and standing up for yousekf can never be the completely wrong approach. That's for sure. Make your choices wisely and stand for them. That's the way to go and to gain respect for yourself and from others.
How is everything else going? You GAL stuff etc?
Me 32 (German) Wife 28 T 3yrs M 2yrs Moved to US for W No kids BD 6/2014 In house separation Confirmed EA 1/2015 (ongoing since BD) OM not ready Real D talk started 1/27/15
GAL is going complex, down almost 40lbs. Looking super trip and getting that V to come in. Going to vegas in may for rockin rio. Going to be a blast. Other than that I go to my local bar a few times a week just to sit and chat. We have all become chat buddies. Kinda nice it feels like cheers lol. working on getting my 2 mile run into the 1300-1310 minute range. Almost there. I did have a slip up, kinda embarrased because it was so out there and not sure why I did it but I did. I said " hey I know where you stand on me and you, and that's cool, but you should come to vegas with me. There is going to be an amazing music fest going on and tickets are really cheap. I think you would have a blast. Just think about it ok." What I got back kinda was the worst of all sides becuasee it was not an answer based on her wanting or not wanting lol. She said "I really thank you for the invite, but mom is going to be coming in to spend time with me." I feel so silly. After all the positive strides I throw this curveball. There is nothing I can do about it now I guess.
Why does detachment feel like divorce. I know and understand the concept behind the method, and I do feel better and I have taken major strides in self improvement, but everything seems so final. I know not even divorce is final but it's a tough pill to swallow when you realize for better or worse in the relationship you as a person will come out stronger and more complete. Even though you most likely will lose a big part of your being!
So happy Monday everyone!!!! These are just some thoughts flopping around in my head. Have a blessed day.
