I read your story because I found your post on mine. I am from a military family. I grew up in the military life so to say and married a man who had been in the military as well.
The things that you guys endure while deployed and are expected to do when you get back is just so difficult. I remember one time my step-dad came back from Honduras and he spent several weeks barely "there" even when we were in the same room with him. He was in a bus convoy some military vehicles exporting buses with civilians that was ambushed. He remembers seeing the bodies after the buses were blown up and little noises they would put him on the defense.
I can only say from my experience that your depression likely stems from some of the horrors you are processing because you serve our country. And you have tried to deal with it on your own and I commend you for finally seeking help.
Don't just do a 180... GAL... Get a life. Do things that you enjoy. Catch a movie by yourself or with a friend. Watch the sunset and the colors streak across the sky. I enjoyed one just the other night as I was burning leaves in the ditch line (never done before so I stayed out and watched the firs for hours). Stay busy in good ways. That doesn't mean staying drunk every night or bar hopping but finding truly great things you enjoy doing.
I used to be a marathon runner and endometriosis took that from me because the pain was so bad that there were times that it hurt just to walk. I'm now pain free for a few months and it is absolutely liberating but by then my marriage was so bad that I had no motivation to do anything. The first month he was gone was awful depression. But the second month, I started watching what I eat and no more emotional eating. I am happy to report that I enjoyed a big bowl of rocky road yesterday but it stayed in my 1500 calorie limit and I exercised for 30 minutes still. I'm dropping the weight I gained and finding new confidence in myself.
What do you miss doing? And what keeps you from doing it?
