LouR - You are half a world away but I know your anguish because it mirrors my own. The longer time passes the less I am able to make sense of things. It has only been in the last week or so that I am beginning to feel that trying to make sense of it is not worth the energy.

You sound like such a compassionate person. The feelings you have are normal because you are still you. Time helps. Distractions help. NC really helps me.

MLC may be very real (I believe it is and so does my therapist) but at some point the LBS has to accept that our spouses still made choices along the way. MLC doesn't excuse it but it helps explain the behavior.

Maybe we don't need to love them less but we do need to love ourselves more?

M:25 years at BD w/ 2 daughters
BD: 5/14
Separated 6/14 - H moved cross country w/OW
D Final 9/17

“I can be changed by what happens to me. But I refuse to be reduced by it.”
― Maya Angelou