Well...I am pretty firmly opposed to D and value commitment and loyalty even to the point of remaining in a miserable M for life (although I'd never give up trying to make it wonderful). So I'm not suggesting that your H was right to leave you because you were destructive at times.
I'm not taking sides, defending or attacking you or him...but I do wonder with my W if she could have responded to my behavior differently and whether that might have taken us off track. I'm NOT blaming my WAW for the breakdown in the M, I just thought it was odd because I NEVER had this problem in my first R (5 year live in gf), probably because she wouldn't have gone along with it! My point is that it's possible that your H could've stuck around, and changed things on his end to for things to have played out differently.
BUT- what's important is- you're here now. You made mistakes. He made mistakes. But that's all behind. Best thing you can do is grieve the loss of the M, forgive him for his mistakes, and forgive yourself for yours...but only after recognizing them and deciding who you want to be going forward!
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
