I have appointment with my DB coach tomorrow. He has sent me more text messages tonight then he has in the last 4 weeks. But I have only responded to the ones about visitation.
He called the lawyers office and they aren't going to serve me but rather I can pick up the paperwork next week from his lawyers office. He wants to work through the fine details of the divorce this weekend and is supposed to bring me the paperwork he filled out so that I can review it.
I guess I was amicable enough that he feels like we can have an adult conversation and such. He says he wants to be friends like I said.
And then the hum dinger... He said you never know maybe one day like your Dad did we'll get back together. My dad remarried his second wife a couple of years ago.
When he was here and we were talking about his going forward and filing, he was afraid of how I would react but my reaction was not what he expected. I guess he thought I would be angry and upset and have a crying breakdown. And oh how I wanted to.
I told him I was very upset but mostly disappointed. "I feel like you have had one foot out the door for a long time now. I feel like if we had both committed fully to our relationship that we would have found great happiness. I was disappointed that the last fifteen years has led to this. It wasn't what I wanted by any means but there was no point in crying, yelling, being angry. All I can do is keep working toward the best me that I can be." ***I sniffled and my eyes teared up a little but never lost it as I said this***
He is bringing me the division of assets and his requests for visitation and such by Sunday. He said that the divorce attorney went all out including filing for custody but he wouldn't do that to me. He just wants a fair amount of visitation.
I don't want to think about what all needs to go into this and I certainly don't want to get a divorce. I can't make him want to stay and now we are in the friend zone. Just a few short weeks ago I was able to get him to go to dinner with me and then after that it was like he fell off the face of the earth. I kept trying to do nice things for him and kept trying to talk to him.
I went dark Sunday and I know from reading the DB book and the Getting Through to the Man You Love books that I just need to keep up the silence and make him begin engaging. But what if the only engagement that he wants is to talk about the end. What then?
Feeling kind of lost and scared. I really hope my session tomorrow brings new perspective and renewed hope. Right now I'm really low on hope and it is hard to stay positive when there is no hope.
