Lorelai: My waking life

[Lorelai]

Thanks Zues! Who I was before H? On the plus side I'd say I was fun, creative, loved throwing and attending parties, decorating my apartments, had great friends, rollerbladed everywhere, dated for fun and to meet new people... but wasn't really up for anything too serious, enjoyed my work...
On the minus side I was always prone to depression and looking back, I complained a lot about silly, petty things. When I was down, I was really down. It was tough.
H was drawn immediately to that fun side of me. He pursued me relentlessly, but I resisted because he'd been married before and I didn't think he was ready to get involved with anyone and I wasn't ready. When he finally did get me to go out with him, we fell for each other easily, though he seemed to fall harder and my sister commented one day after the holidays-- they way he looks at you! My gosh! Wish my husband looked at me like that.
But my dark side (and let's face it, everyone has one) drove H away. Before I figured out how to control the depression with medication, he was brought right down with me. I wish I had gotten a hold of myself sooner and acknowledged I had a problem and addressed it rather than blowing it off and telling myself depression was just part of my creativity. It got worse after having kids and that was when I finally took action.
Today, with H gone? What kind of person am I? I think I am becoming a better person. I still have great friends, and now two awesome, bright, spectacular children, a home I'm making fabulous and enjoying... The medication has pretty much wiped out the depression--except for sadness about my situation. So I feel like I have all these traits about myself that I love and that are who I really am, without the dark days and complaining and obsessing... Make sense?