Need Help 3

[errod]

"If you want me to answer honestly no I have not learned. I have been acting in absolute total desperation. I would not attract myself."

And that's why what you did wasn't working, which made things worse, etc. Round and round it goes.

"Now of course my excuse is, which is not a good excuse was that there was so much smoke, I wanted to find closure. Which I kind of did."

Closure for what? You didn't have to do what you did. You could still save your M, but you couldn't handle the pain. You couldn't handle the pain because you didn't make yourself stronger. See it's all connected. I will tell you that you pulling the trigger does not make the pain go away. And all you end up doing is running away.

"Yes I still would be willing to work on my marriage. But I also now know that I did not cause this D."

Actually you did contribute to it. In fact, in your first post you said... "At that time my wife started telling me I need to get a job and get out of the house, now this was only brought up when we argued so I did not take it serious. Well over time me not getting the hint caused her a great deal of resentment towards me. There were other issues that she brought up that were a 100% correct for example I did not pay her enough attention, I never complimented her and things like that. Also I have always been controlling (even though I though of it at the time as protecting.) I also did not do my part of keeping up with the house while I was staying home."

I'm not saying that you were the cause of her A, but you contributed to the downfall of your M just as much as your W.

"I just get confused why someone files for D, constantly tells you that they can date. Then when you pick up the trail in the early stage they deny it."

You really haven't studied the books have you? It explains it all in there. Regardless of what, you didn't want to change and fixated on the A. That's not healthy and it's not what saves M's.

Are you done?

"I can not wait until I start seeing a counselor. I have some issues that I need to work through."

Like what?

No I am not done yet.

I need to work on developing confidence again. I need to become secure again. I need to be able to get a grip of my life and be able to function like a normal person again. I still think about W 24/7 as much as I know I shouldn't I can now control it and don't need to call or text. But I still am thinking about her all the time. Even when I do my GAL's I stop and think, I wish she was here with me.