I have been GALing, I was actually doing that before I ever got to this site. Mainly meetups, the gym, and school. It helps that I was always a gym rat. Since the lying incident in March - (he was hiding his phone from me, and then lied about it). I have been keeping my distance, and had been okay, but the past two days have been really rough. Yesterday I cried all day, and had all kinds of scenarios dancing in my head. My hormones, I know, play a part, especially since my cycle was in full swing.
My cycle had always caused H to feel hormonal as well, and we used to laugh about how, when my PMS was mild, he would have all of my symptoms.
Sure enough I recalled earlier this week, he has left the door to the bedroom open even though the living room, where I hang out when I am at home, had the TV on. He has been texting me when he is on his way home, and the status of the dog walks if I am at school.
We still share the bedroom, which is the strangest part of all of this, and when I tried to sleep last night tears just started to silently roll down my face.
I wanted to kiss him, and hold him like I used to, and the pain of not doing so was so unbearable that I couldn't sleep.
I left the bedroom, and moved to the couch - immediately, I fell asleep.
He hasn't filed yet, but I feel like the day he does I will not be able to handle it.
I am worried he is seeing someone new, and I am an idiot for not snooping. I want to hire private investigators. Show up at his job - wearing a disguise. I want to pack up my things, and have a moving truck on standby. I fantasize about winning the lottery - and disappearing - without a trace.
I can't stand to look at him in his eye, and I physically recoil if I think he is going to touch me, or come near me.
I feel crazy.
Want to go dark, and wait for the papers.
W/41 H/42 Married: 2yrs 6months Together: 11yrs 11/21/14 - Argument H didn't let go 1/23/15 - Asks for Divorce 0 - kids 2 dogs
