...and another WAS

[Pyrite]

Thank-you Heart for your considered words. Helps me greatly. Especially your comment about being a young mother. I'll answer in parts though rather than one long post. Also I have other stuff to do today as well. So, part 1:

When things were good, prior to the kids, what did your R look like?

Biiiig question. Not very physical on her part. Her actions were very similar to a past GF who was abused as a child. W recalls no such abuse. I accepted this. Mainly because I was older I think and had had physical relationships and did not attribute primary importnce to this.
Instead, we had very close relationship. Emotionally and intellectually. To be critical, I was "mentor". I was 10 years, older, wise, worldly, way more than average life experience and now/then very highly educated. I can see how this alone could be ....annoying.
She was young and naaive. She had a heart of pure gold, made me feel incredible, and this was what I knew from experience was most important to me. Still is. So, very possible that that she has simply grown up.
It is not like we havent grown together though. Four years ago (after the first 8 or so years) we were still good.
Still, we have a family now, and however bad it might be, we can't just walk away without trying everything we can.

From what you say above it seems you felt you did everything and she did nothing. Did you resent that?

Felt... I actually did. probably 90%. She admits she is a domestic pig, she makes mess not just doesnt clean up. As I said, was largely unnoticeable for me before. In the last 4 years, absolutely resented. She did try to "help" towards the end. But for me it was possibly a case of too little, too late.

In some ways it is possible to classify me as the WAS and her as the LBS, whilst still in the M.
I recognize my part/fault in our M breakdown. I am willing to acknowledge other things she/you points out.
All I want is this chance, but things have gone beyond this.
She gave up on us, and found another path several months before ending the M.
I resent that she never raised her discontent as a D issue until it was too late.
Answering a later question I will include that I did raise it as a D issue 3 years earlier. But I got shutdown. So I quietly absorbed it and became more depressed.