Please, don't beat yourself over your feelings. It's amazing how well you deal with all this stress. You have been doing great and is the inspiration for us all. So, like our friend Mozza says, it's OK to feel down on yourself, to cry and feel sad once in a while.
You are not made of steel, and you are such kind person, gentle and sensitive, it's natural you feel the pain on your sitch.
You love this man and would like that the nightmare would just stop and that you two could talk and at least give a chance.
Unfortunately, it really feels like your H is pretty much into a deep fog, and that's why he can't answer. His fears are prompting him to stay away and in silence.
He is not ready to recommit to the M, he is fearful, indecisive about what kind of R would it be. In the same time he probably don't want to say he is done, because deep inside he is also afraid he will be trowing away something valuable and he will regret later.
To tell the truth you are probably in a better place then he is now. He made a mess of his life, he got himself in some roller coaster without a end line. He is unhappy, insecure, feeling like crap.
In my opinion, if you let go and feel the pain, empty the tear jar... then, it goes away, you feel better and is willing to laugh, dance, feel good. It's amazing what it does to us, when we don't rule our feeling as much, we get free of all the chains of right or wrong.
Let it be, and then let it be happy. You know my story, I have been making mistake after mistake, but I also learned one or two things. And I learned from Mozza that it is OK to cry.
I hope that your H gets to his senses and give you guys a chance to try. It's said that many R gets better and even stronger after a break up.
You are a strong woman, you know that it will be done only when you want it to be done, until then there is a lot of rocks to turn. Pick yourself up after the whole moping, don't feel guilty for being a person that feels love, because even in pain it's a better feeling then hate.
I love you a lot, I am praying for all your dreams to come true and that tomorrow will always be a better day.
If I can do it, you can probably start a college class and be the professor.
