Thanks for thinking about me. Although the board can be very comforting, I have had a lot of real-life commitments to address. I think your post was awesome and I am still parsing it. However, I have been focusing a bit more on my outside world, and on applying what I am learning IRL. Since your long and thoughtful post about my sitch, I read NMMNG. I am also near completion of the 5 love languages for children. I will comment in a future post about what I am taking away from these books. Also, my friend's daughter is sick so I have been visiting her in the hospital daily. Passover starts tomorrow and I have a lot of preparation - cleaning my office and my room. I am still working out with my trainer - GAL. I have had alot of work obligations as well. I am also still trying to plan my S12s Bar-Mitzvah which is very fast approaching. We NEED to get those invitations out. Lastly, We have our first real mediation session next week (the first session stalled) and I needed to speak to my L to figure out how to prepare. I am still dreading it, but that does not excuse me from being more prepared. So, as you can see, I am pretty busy. I have had some rough days in between - I still feel, after all - but I am managing. A lot of people in my community know what my W is doing because she has been careless in her indiscretions. I was told last weekend that my community is 100% behind me. It's kind of validating considering the comment was really unsolicited.
I don't have time to go into great detail now, but I want you to know that I really took your advice to heart, and I want to reply thoughtfully to *all* the comments made after I solicited for advice. I just have not had the time. Please know that I am grateful for all of you.
To give you a brief update though: I told my wife that it is disrespectful of her to keep our beds together while she is carrying on with the OM. I separated the beds and this will be permanent. The following day, she sent me one of her typical deranged emails: "I wish I could take away your pain. I wish we never ever got to this point. I wish that when you walk into the room you see the old me. etc..." There is more, but I won't bore you. Suffice it to say, her words ring very hollow. I told her flatly that she has an addiction and the problem is in her. The next day, of course, it was like business as usual.
Undeterred, I am still working on my courage to tell her to leave the bedroom. If I do it, I want to say it right - as a true boundary. She exchanged 9000 texts in January - majority were with OM. I would cut off her phone access and make her buy her own - a great boundary - but I want to continue to access her phone records, so I have kept silent, for now.
that's it in brief. I will update and post further as soon as I have some more time.
