Alpha One, Alpha All #

[alpha99]

I've just come back from a positively friendly interaction with W. I've had the kids since school ended. I dropped them back with her a short while ago. The kids dived into the house as W opened the door. She was all smiles and appeared happy. I don't know if she was happy to see me of course but she appeared happy for some reason anyway.

We talked about the kids for a moment, school arrangements, (I didn't realise the school wasn't open tomorrow) and care arrangements for the next few days. In total less than a five minute conversation. It seems she has now retracted the offer (indirectly) of coming to see the kids on Easter Sunday due to me having them a lot of the next few days. I don't think it was done in any sort of punishing way, merely she won't be seeing them a lot over the next few days and wants to spend the day with them at MIL's place.

I made sure to be the one to end the conversation and say I had to go.

There could be a million reasons why she was nice to me so I'm not going to speculate here or try and mind read this time - it's pointless. It was almost like there wasn't a problem between us at all though. All I know is I'm glad not to be fighting with her all the time at the moment.

She called whilst I had the kids but I didn't get it and didn't return her call. I hope I'm showing that kid wise I'm reliable and dependable (I know I am, I always have been) but at the same time not always readily available should she want to contact me. At the same time as pulling back, I am being friendly in a neighbourly way and using 'agreement' to try and create some positivity between us when we interact - without overdoing it of course. Again, there could be a million reasons why she is being nice to me but I do hope I have found the right path and the right balance now. All forms of pursuing have stopped. Of course there's many factors to come into play other than her just being nice all of a sudden (OM, MIL etc), and this may prove to be a red herring. It's best to have no expectations, plough on with my own activities, maintain this sort of stance in future exchanges with W as it appears to be working, and just see how things go from there.

The kids did return to the front door just before I left and asked W if I could come in. She said daddy has to go now. I was already leaving but I could hear both children crying on the other side of the door as I left.

The poor little beauties.

I did explain to them in the car on the way back that they should never think that just because daddy isn't with them every day that he doesn't want to be. I told them I love them with all my heart, wish I could see them every day, but that's just the way things are for now. I said if they ever need me I will be there for them and if they ever want to ask me anything I will always tell them the truth. S6 is switched on and understands a lot of what I'm saying. D5 is not as developed yet and quite oblivious to everything going on (thankfully). How I love those children. It is my life's mission to make sure they get the absolute best possible start in life and be affected by all this mess as little as possible!