It's not about stopping her. She will do what she wants. It's what you will do to not allow it to be in your life. You can't force her to do anything. You can only control you.
If she won't stop seeing OM, and it's a boundary you have declared, you have to take a stand by doing things to block its affect on YOU. Like cutting off financial support of the A, etc. She can't have you and the OM and your actions have to show that.
To bring her back you may have to let her go and GAL for yourself. Be someone only a fool would leave. Focus on improving You, not her response.
Precisely right. ^^^
Here's how another old poster around here, Jayne, once put it:
Jayne, on “boundaries”:
Think about boundaries like this:
Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.
Your wife can do whatever she wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling her what to do.
But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.
She's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because she'll be outside your circle. She's free to go on and draw her own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.
She can do WHATEVER she wants. She's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices she wants.
BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.
That's all. Not about trying to control her at all. Tell her she's totally free. She has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever she wants.
If she's saying you have to let her into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HER controlling YOU.
It's not about stopping her. She will do what she wants. It's what you will do to not allow it to be in your life. You can't force her to do anything. You can only control you.
If she won't stop seeing OM, and it's a boundary you have declared, you have to take a stand by doing things to block its affect on YOU. Like cutting off financial support of the A, etc. She can't have you and the OM and your actions have to show that.
To bring her back you may have to let her go and GAL for yourself. Be someone only a fool would leave. Focus on improving You, not her response.
Precisely right. ^^^
Here's how another old poster around here, Jayne, once put it:
Jayne, on “boundaries”:
Think about boundaries like this:
Boundaries are not about controlling the other person, because boundaries are about drawing "circles" around *you* and determining what you will and won't allow inside that circle.
Your wife can do whatever she wants OUTSIDE that circle. You are not telling her what to do.
But you will only let into that circle people who treat you with respect.
She's free to go on treating you with disrespect, but you won't know about it because she'll be outside your circle. She's free to go on and draw her own boundaries of no expectations and no responsibilities, outside your circle.
She can do WHATEVER she wants. She's a free person, free to make WHATEVER choices she wants.
BUT SO ARE YOU, and you are free to choose who to allow within your circle.
That's all. Not about trying to control her at all. Tell her she's totally free. She has the WHOLE WORLD, outside your circle, to go and do whatever she wants.
If she's saying you have to let her into your circle no matter what, then THAT is about HER controlling YOU.
And if you telling her as long as she is with OM she can't live in the marital home helps block the affect of the A on you and the family, then by all means do so. It's then her decision what she wants to do. The marital home is for the family not those that would disrupt it. Just like you would remove any other disruptive person from your home.
Now if she won't leave, then that will be another discussion for that event.
Me:49 W:45 M:19 T:22 EA confirmed and ended 8/2014 S:19,17 D:9,5
