Wife having emotional affair 5

[Wonka]

Here's the link on boundaries: Boundaries: Cheat Sheet

[3kids]

Piecing

Someone wants to come home. Now the hard work begins. Wish us luck!

Thanks
3kids

[Wonka]

3Kids,

I hope you've found a really good solutions-based MC in your area.
Good luck! Please do keep coming here and seek our support here.

[MrBond]

3kids,

I'm happy with your progress, but you are FAR from Piecing. Your W hasn't done the work to get to where she needs to be to Piece. She's just reacting to the situation at-hand.

Has she agreed to counseling? Has she set it up? Has she figured out why she was unhappy and left the first place?

If not, then you re NOT in Piecing. You wouldn't believe how many people I've seen in your shoes and the LBS is just so happy that the WAS is back that they forget everything.

[3kids]

This is why I said she wants to come home. I'm letting her lead the convos. She is the one to bring up counseling. For her self and us. I'm listening. Some hope but not everything. Does she know what makes her totally happy yet, probably not. That's why she wants help from a doctor and IC. But she has made some big steps. So I have to listen and try if she is willing to.

[MCS]

3kids,

You do sound good. I hope that I'm on a similar path that you had in your growth. Our WW sound very similiar (shocker) with their family's just as frustrated as we are, the kids noticing the lack of attention (mine do it in other ways since their younger)

I remember looking at your thread when I first got here and saw you were >6 minths into it and wondered how you got so far and didn't lose patience. Now I'm ther and your much further and I still feel the same way.

Just a random question that I struggle with. With all of the emotional turmoil, do you feel that WW will ever get out of this and go back to the person you knew before? You say you see less and less ability to have her back in your life. Is that because of who 'she's' become or who 'you've' become? Just curious.

[3kids]

MCS please keep in mind my first six months were filled with a lot of hate and exposure of the affair. Totally not what the db process is about. The process is a total growth process. It truly is all about you. When I left every thing behind is when I started to feel that way. You can only change you! I engulfed myself in my kids lives and my new hobbies and old hobbies. My new life that I wanted. Probably the greatest advise on this board. They (WW) are welcome to join you. Trust me I'm still working on my self every day. Becoming the man I want to become is hard work. I do see less and less because of us both. Me because I now know what kind of dad I want to be and I found the adventure type person I lost being when I had kids. Her because I don't even know her anymore, is she even the same person I fell in love with. Although I do see signs of that old person. But who knows? I probably won't know that until she gets the right help for her depression and anxiety and other issues. You truly can't work on your self and kids hard enough. If you can't think of anything to work on, ask you close friends what are your bad traights. Emotions are every day thing learn to control them. Watch ted videos to learn how.

I'm not the best on helping on this stuff. So I hope I answered your question. Good luck.

Thanks
3kids

[MrBond]

"She is the one to bring up counseling. For her self and us."

Not enough. You have to be sure she actually makes the appointment. Only then can there be Piecing. I would suggest that you give her some suggestions of great programs you've heard about - DBing, Retrouvaille, Joe Beam, etc., give her the contacts and see what she does with them.

If she makes the appointments herself, then it's a step in the right direction.

I will also give you a warning. EVERY couple that tries Piecing will go through several false starts. Sometimes the WAS can't get away from the addiction of the OP, sometimes either the WAS or LBS will quit because they can't get rid of the resentments they've had towards one another, sometimes they just feel too much damage is done.

But there is always the most hurt before the storm breaks and a new day emerges. Weather it out together and you'll get through it alright.

[3kids]

First try failed!

So we where packing up the old house finally yesterday. Going great, told the kids that every one was moving to my place and all there stuff. Very happy kids. The wife and kids stayed at the old house to keep packing up stuff while I went to work for a couple of hours.

Now a couple of weeks ago my daughter asked me if mommy could come live at my place. And I told her not as long as she is with OM.

Well, while I was gone the daughter apparently kept an eye on mom and her phone. And made a few comments on that better not be OM. You can't live with dad if it is.

Some one didn't take a liking to that. Having her child watch her like a hawk.

So while I'm fine. I can handle that she now has no clue where to live. Refuses everything. Have no clue how I'm going to get her out of that house before Monday. My kids Easter is probably going to be horrible. We where going to do it together. My kids are mad that mom is acting this way. Because now they don't have a place to live with her. MIL made a mad comment because I said something to the kids about that. Trying to keep emotions in check but holy cow!

Let's see where today brings us! Good luck to every one else. Hope you have a great day.

Thanks
3kids

[TenBook]

I have to agree. Sometimes they just want to talk for some support on how bad they feel but really there is not intention there.