...and another WAS

[Pyrite]

thanks .

Since R started, I was older, my house, I cooked, cleaned, banking etc. Didn't really notice, because without kids still had time. Didn't really mind. Following birth of 1st child discovered W was totally, obsessive Mother. I became invisible servant. After months of this schedule, unfulfilling job, health issues - I got ...jittery.
First few months they were both asleep by 9PM. I stayed up and had a few more wines (which absolutely didn't help anything). Months later again, when W stayed up past 9, night after night I would lay there waiting for her to come to bed. She never did. I dropped all sorts of hints, notes, suggestions etc about how our relationship needed to be taken care of. we were after all the cornerstone of the family. Finally, one night I called her into the bedroom and said "Whilst it is a problem for me that you don't come to bed, it is a bigger problem that you dont WANT to come to bed". She admitted that she didn't. I wasn't a priority for her.

I made excuses for her that it was biological or hormonal, but basically I went downhill after that. I went into therapy 6 months larter, suicidal, overwhelmed by everything. I got "better", but basically swept my happiness in the M under the carpet. By the time she reacted I was well and truly gone. She could have reached me, but never really directed things at me, or at least with me. Nothing really changed in our lifestyle. My schedule was horrendous. Friends and family commented that I never stopped and all she ever did was play with the kids. dont get me wrong, the kids were my priority too, and i dont underestimate how hard a job it is, but i did that part too. we have 50/50 custody now and i dont do more work with the kids - just less the wife to pick up after.