CeMar, I'm sorry if I was harsh in that last post. I'm just saying that right now, for whatever reason, she does not find you suckable. That could change. No one is doomed to never be suckable, it's situational. I don't want to ruin your hope for ever being suckable under any circumstances.
But I'm suggesting you work on being suckable, not getting her to do it anyway.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.
You are very right. It's not just about the BJ's either. You have gotten to the root of the problem. HD spouses see sex as the opportunity to give pleasure. This is the most enjoyable part, giving pleasure (and being acknowledged for it sometimes). LD spouses se sex as the need to get off, the completely WRONG way to look at sex. IT'S ALL ABOUT DESIRE!!!!! It bascially is not possible to be great spouse without "DESIRE" for the other spouse, and the "Desire" to please the other spouse. A women that does not wish to give her husband BJ's basically is sending a VERY clear signal that she does not "DESIRE" him. In effect, she is seeking to destroy her own marriage.
Hmmm, seeking to destroy her own marriage? Not sure I'd go that far.
In my own experience, a single data point, basically I wasn't seeking to destroy it... it did not exist for me. Yeah, legally we were married. Yeah, it looked okay to other people. But I did not have to even considering what I'd do to destroy it. My reality was that I was perpetually mad at him. I was mad at him for breathing too loudly. For the way he chewed. For being in my bed. For his job, his hours, the way he walked, the way he'd ask a question. When I think about this, I have to realized that I not only did not find him suckable, or feel married, I literally disliked having him around. A few times he mentioned the absense of oral sex as a point of contention. I could not have been less interested, but was mildly surprised that he noticed and had the gumption to bring it up.
I think when one spouse does not want to share physical pleasure with the other, maybe the marriage is already verging on the autopsy stage and we just don't know it?
Actually I think my wasband would agree with this post. He was totally aware I wanted sex, he just didn't care. He had a whole list of needs and wants he wanted met before that would have been on his radar screen. He couldn't or wouldn't say what they were.... but until he got whatever it was he wanted, he did not care about what I wanted.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.
