How to ask for BJ?

[SecondChances]

Hmmm, seeking to destroy her own marriage? Not sure I'd go that far.

In my own experience, a single data point, basically I wasn't seeking to destroy it... it did not exist for me. Yeah, legally we were married. Yeah, it looked okay to other people. But I did not have to even considering what I'd do to destroy it. My reality was that I was perpetually mad at him. I was mad at him for breathing too loudly. For the way he chewed. For being in my bed. For his job, his hours, the way he walked, the way he'd ask a question. When I think about this, I have to realized that I not only did not find him suckable, or feel married, I literally disliked having him around. A few times he mentioned the absense of oral sex as a point of contention. I could not have been less interested, but was mildly surprised that he noticed and had the gumption to bring it up.

I think when one spouse does not want to share physical pleasure with the other, maybe the marriage is already verging on the autopsy stage and we just don't know it?

Actually I think my wasband would agree with this post. He was totally aware I wanted sex, he just didn't care. He had a whole list of needs and wants he wanted met before that would have been on his radar screen. He couldn't or wouldn't say what they were.... but until he got whatever it was he wanted, he did not care about what I wanted.