Alpha One, Alpha All #

[Ontheup]

Starksy,

As much as I'm GAL, dealing better with emotions and so on, I do want my marriage to work out of course. I'm confused. I know no snooping is recommended when using LRT but at the same time I thought having some info on A status would be a good idea. Of course I could get along well with her (or not) in forthcoming interactions only to find she runs to OM the second I leave. I can stop checking but how will I know if anything I do is having an affect. Yes, I can do things for myself. Yes, I can try and detach, manage emotions etc. How can I tell if I'm being played for a fool - she may be nice to me for numerous reasons (guilt, childminding, whatever else) - but just cake eating in one form or another.

Maybe I'm asking the impossible. Maybe I just need to accept that since she's had an A, we are separated, she feels the marriage is over and can do/see/screw whoever she likes, and that I should just leave her alone bar child communications and just live my life. To a large extent I am doing that. I know that is to a large part the LRT. I just feel powerless in whether or not it will have any affect. I know, I have no control over her. I feel like my actions may be irrelevant with regard to our marriage. Sure, positive for me as an individual, but even though I'm powerless and not in control I would still like things to work out. Times when I think about the whole thing make me.somewhat frustrated. I guess it's time to distract myself.

This whole paragraph shows that you are very much focussed on what your wife is doing rather than what you are doing.
You have eveidence of the affair. Keep it somewhere safe and dont look at it again unless you need to for a divorce.
STOP looking at what your wife is doing. the only person it is affecting is you and not in a good way. I know because i did same. The sooner you stop looking at and caring what your wife is doing the better you will start to feel. You have answered your own questions regarding how your wife feels. She is in an affair, loves someone else, feels her marriage is over and that she can do what ever she likes and she can because you do not control her. Im in exactly the same boat as is everyone else.
focus on you and your kids. Let her go