Alpha One, Alpha All #

[alpha99]

Barely time to post that last message when W has tried to call me. I missed the call. Eventually texted back to see what she wanted. She called me up. We spoke for about 10 minutes without any argument.

She apologised for changing the plans last minute and said that she knew that was wrong. I congratulated her on being big enough to call back to say she was wrong. I kept talk away from R. She kept emphasising that it was good that we were getting on without arguing. I mentioned MIL and how she was messing things about. W agreed! She said MIL had messed her about and cost her some money in lost wages by letting her down last minute the other day.

W said she had been hostile due to me threatening to expose the A to her work. I validated her by saying she had a right to feel all sorts of emotions in a difficult time like this. She also mentioned me contacting OM in the same breath, although she immediately said 'yeah, well, I'm not bothered by that anyway.' I didn't ask any questions at all about OM but recent posts here have expressed my thoughts on the current situation there.

At one point, whilst saying how it was good we were getting on, she did say something like 'yeah, it good to get on. The relationship between us is over, but we have to get on with each other for the kids. Again, I just validated her by saying it wouldn't be healthy for the kids to see mum and dad arguing all the time.

At the moment my two main sources for dealing with this whole thing are of course DB/DR and ... So, as it stands my plan is to use the LRT but because we will have relatively frequent interactions due to the children, to 'agree' (in other words validate) with her feelings, be empathetic etc without being a doormat or agreeing to things I don't agree with, but in a way that is not overbearing or seen as pursuing. I hope I am able to strike the right balance.