Quote --------- I never said he wasn't any good, it was adequate, but too infrequent, maybe 10 times in 16 years of marriage, and too quick. Sex to him was, yes, I really should use past tense here, a hurried, let's not put any effort into it, get it over with thing. --------
Exactly!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Lets get it over with, thats how my H thought/thinks of it. It was like, ok, you climaxed, my job is done. H would just go back to whatever he was doing. Many times I was just getting started and would be like what gives.
BTW my H is not all that good at it. I think the LD thing figures in there somewhere. When he started having problems (problems with getting and maintaining an erection) I went out and got everything I could read on how to perform great BJ's in the hopes that it would bring up his interest in intimacy again. I don't think he has done any of that. I hesitate to say anything to him for fear of him backing off totally again.
Hmmmm, I'm not sure I'm an example that supports the HD/oral connection. I'm classic HD. In terms of oral, I can run the gamut... to absolutely out of the question to obsessed.
For me, it's not just the acts (no matter which end you're on) there are other factors. While I agree with some of the earlier points (like recent shower, reciprical pleasures, adding foods/drinks) those are all secondary. For me, the first thing is 1. do I like the person this penis is attached to enough to enjoy giving this much pleasure? if not, no way. 2. do I trust and like this person enough to let them give me this much pleasure? If I'm not sure, no way. It makes me too vulnerable.
Oh, and the other question was about how to ask? When things are right, I don't have to be debated or cajoled-- I'm already there. When they are not right, there is nothing anyone could say, ask to persuade me. And I'd never explain it, or any of the little how to's or boundaries to anyone who wasn't suckable.... back to that trust factor.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.
I'm sitting in the airport in Philly and I just saw what's happening on this thread. Holy Blowhole Batman! What's going on here?
FYI. My LDW actually does it every few times without me asking for it. The big mistake I made was that I told her I didn't like it too much. This was before I learned that you should communicate how you would like it. I just think she needs a few lessons....then I'm sure I would like it. The flavored stuff would probably be good. We need to have some food play some evening. Hmmmmm.
I am a HD guy. I would give my wife oral EVERYDAY if possible. She NEVER has to ask for it. But on the flip side, she is ND, and she has LOST interest in giving BJ's. This is totally unfair. She knows I love them, therefore she should want to perform these for me. But she never does, which is really very inconsiderate of her. This then puts me into the uncomfortabel position to have to ask for it, which really puts a damper on things. Oh, what I wouldn't give for a drug to make her desire come back.
<<<she has LOST interest in giving BJ's. This is totally unfair. She knows I love them, therefore she should want to perform these for me. But she never does, which is really very inconsiderate of her. This then puts me into the uncomfortabel position to have to ask for it, which really puts a damper on things>>>
CeMar, you are SO missing my point.
First, you don't have to ask her if you're suckable. She's already answered that question!
She knows you love it, she's not interested. It's not her priority to give you mind-blowing pleasure. If you do ask, and she consents, it will be dutiful. There may be women out there who just love giving BJ's but I haven't met any of them. The women I know who are enthusiastic, aren't getting off on what they're doing, they are getting off on how much pleasure they are able to give-- the desire is to give pleasure, not to mimic an oil drill.
You're working on the end, not the means to the end, at least in my opinion.
Never try to teach a pig to sing. It wastes your time, and annoys the pig.
what gives. 
