I am back...still DBinging...

[jim0987]

I'm going to do what i seem to do so often and thats follow Toots around and just agree with her (she's right again)

I can't imagine how hard it must be to watch your H behave as he is and I know that the love you have for him probably makes you wish you could help him (fix him???), but you must remember that he is choosing this and although he may not see it the solution to his problems is obvious but its up to him to take it(you can lead a horse to water and all that)

You'll need to be strong to give yourself the space you need but your more than capable of it.

(((Pink)))

[Pink17]

Thanks guys, you are really the best in my life. I can not even image my life without you all. I wish we can go further and help each other with some dinner ideas, well maybe that would be too many recipes on the board.

Well, I had a better day today. Yesterday I signed the Sworn Financial Statement at my L office. Geez, it was quite a job to get it all done.

I really agree with all of you. I have been making mistake after mistake. Yes and it's true, I am going on cheeseless tunnels, and I am driving the road to nowhere.

I am a person that resolves stuff. I don't sit too long on a problem, I like to fix it, resolve it and clean it. I do not like to drag myself into some circle of problems with no solution.

But, and this is a big BUT, I will stop what I was doing, stop being plan B, stop giving in just to get some chance my H will see that I am a nice person.

Enough, I really had enough. My kids had enough. He is hurting my kids and I. Maybe H will be himself again one day, but he is disgusting right now.

H did not even called S15 on his BDay. For me, this is the straw that broke the camel's back. I decided to face what it is. My H was always selfish, lazy, annoying. He was always Mr.right guy. I will stop faking that this was a nice H and that I can't leave without him.

No, by the contrary. I will problem be better without him to shut me down.

I am a good person, I am very responsible, I make it happen, I resolve, work hard, I take care after all the stuff in a house. Pay bill, keep track with doctors, cook, clean, wash, work on yard, I do it all, always did it all.

So, be it. He does respect me neither gives me value and importance. It's my time now. I want to grow and be what I am thinking I can accomplish. Fortunately, I am busy now and will be even busier with the things I want to do for my career.

I will be polite, talk about the kids when needed, but that's about it. You are all right, time is the only thing that may help my sitch. I will take the time and do something for myself now.

RD - You are right on. I love my H, but he is using this love for his own benefit, he is using my good will to feel less guilty.

V - great words. In some ways, it is also abuse. H is using my love so he can have it all and think it is very normal. Well, I do not want any open M, so it is not for me and I am the only one that can impose some respect after all.

T - You are so right sweetie. I am the only one that can stand up for myself and stop H and his destructive behavior. My kids are good individuals. With all what is going on in their lives, they are still doing very good.

So, it's time for H to go and deal with his life and I will do the same on my side.

Jim - You are also right. I would like to fix H. He seems broken sometimes, other times I think he knows what he is doing and that he just want to lie to me.

I will post later about my little vacations plans and going back to school.

Love you all,
Pink

[Sotto]

Pink, you are sounding very good and strong. Well done with the financial statement. I started working on mine last week. It is a 28 page form here, so I thought I had better get started. Actually the things that are in my name are relatively straightforward. But it struck me looking at the form that H will have a 3x harder job than me, due to more complex finances in his name. I'm not proud to say that I did feel some satisfaction knowing this.

Sorry that H wasn't in touch on your S's B'day. Things like that just show that he's not thinking straight right now. All self-absorbed, into OW and not wanting to face all of the family commitments right now.

I think you are so right with your decision Pink. The challenge going forwards may be to know when H is just 'talking' or when things are really turning - if they do turn. But I think this is where the action is all important. When he's hugging your knees and saying you are his whole world, that must be very moving - but it is all talk. The actions say otherwise - going away with OW, not calling on S's b'day and so on. When these actions start to consistently change.....then it may be time to take some notice.

But for now, I'm excited for Pink, and all the lovely things that life has in store for this special person and her family xx

ps: is H back now??

[rd500]

Hi Pink. Firstly so sorry for you son I think this shows you H is very wayward I'm not trying to excuse him for one second but not to even call you son on his birthday is very strange.

Secondly. Pink has to do whats right for Pink Only Pink knows how she feels and how she wants to proceed. From my own prospective, I would always give it few days /'weeks for your thoughts to settle and your mind to be clear so you are able to step back and understand that the decision is right for Pink and not just a reaction to your H being incredibly inconsiderate AGAIN.

Pink , as you know I am a huge fan and think we would be great friends had life been different and I still hold out hope for the future !!!!!!!!! I think Pink needs to carry on with her plans , she needs to protect herself and her family but Pink needs to take time for the explosive, emotional and passionate Pink to try and relax back from her own sitch and see what's really best for Pink

What ever Pink decides Pink will be great. I honestly envy your H because you are a wonderful person and like other ladies on here have so much life and love to give it would be a joy to be part of your life. Please know that Pink has a lot of life left to live and for your Hs sake I hope he comes out of his fog before it's too late

Take care friend. Rd xx

[Wonka]

Pink,

I am sorry that H was not present for D15's birthday. He needs a swift kick in the pants!

You don't derive your own self-worth from H or anybody else. You are valuable and worthy all by yourself. You've faced some really tough challenges and have come out more than okay. Yes, you'll survive and thrive sweetie.

Eyes forward. Otherwise, you'll hit that big ol' tree.

[Pink17]

Hello...
Toots, you noticed how the cycle goes. I am in a million pieces when H shows up with all his crocodile tears and saying how much he loves me and so on. Then he is off to see OW, time goes by and I get all strong again and then H comes back and says how amazing I am and how stronger I am getting and make me feel in a million pieces again.

Like my IC says, it is toxic. It's a sickness now. I need and will break the cycle.

I was doing many things against all the advice from everyone in my life. Now, it is time to listen and get DB to work. It will not work unless I set some straight boundaries with H.

Somehow, the fact that he is just divorcing his kids as well, is changing my position with H. I always said to him that I would never make any trouble for him regarding his kids and that I think it is very important that he keeps himself in the kids life.

He is the one living them, and this is what is changing me, I feel disgusted with him. I tough his morals were different, I am loosing admiration, he is weak, and I am better off without his presence in my life at the moment. My kids deserve better, they are nice kids.

RD, yes I am a nice and happy woman. My IC is putting everything in perspective for me and I am realizing that I was left alone most of my M. I always took the tough decisions, I was always there for my children, sometimes in real challenge situations.

H was always worry about himself and his career. I gave it all for a family and he was on the road. H is a good man, but he is also very selfish.

I also envy your wife, I like this family life, I don't need to be a big star and shine in Hollywood. I like the fun with my kids and the joy of doing things together.

I know it hurts, but I will try my best to built a good life for my boys and myself. Together we will be a great family.

Wonka, you are right, I have been facing tough challenges, not even related to my H and my M. Some of these challenges were even harder on me, and here I am, still fighting for another day.

I am slowly getting my pride back, my IC called my attention on some of the words I have been using now. He said that there is a lot of optimism and strength on my words and he sees a lot more confidence in my reports.

I have a lot to do, I will take these four vacation days to rest, I am really tired. Then I will came back and start my new chapter.

Thanks guys, as always, you are the best part of my day.

Love,
Pink

[Sotto]

Hi Pink, it sounds as though you are doing well - strong and sure. Great that you have the long weekend coming up and you can relax, recuperate and probably dance a little too, knowing Pink.

It is good that you recognise the recurring loop with H. There is some distance and pursuit going on there I think, and you can influence that dynamic. As you grow stronger, H gets teary and says you are his whole world. Then you soften, and then he goes off again to OW.....and so on...rinse, repeat...

I guess the challenge will be to be faced with him in that frame of mind again. Your heart may well want to soften and believe this time may be different. How do you plan to handle things next time around lovely Pink?

I hope you and your boys have a great weekend anyway....T xx

[jim0987]

H gets teary and says you are his whole world.

When I read this my immediate reaction (if i were in Pink's position) was
until I am your whole world, I'm not interested

Not sure what that says about me but I suspect something, but anyway his actions betray his words and you, pink have had way too much betrayal to need to put up with any more.

There is a strong (and attractive) stance you can take which has the double advantage of also being the best plan for you and your kids.

Have a good and restful weekend

[Vanilla]

Pink

You know all you need to know about H. His addiction to OW and yet every time there is the siren call from H and you are seduced by his words.

I have no doubt he thinks he means them at the time.

Pink says she wants a loving family man (like RD) and a strong family life, she says H has never been that sort of man?

Was he ever that family man Pink? Is this something that he never had or that he lost?

Why was Pink persuaded (or persuaded herself) that H had those values she says attract her?

V

[Vanilla]

Pink?

You have not vanished again have you? Breaking RDs heart!

V