Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Mozza]

I'm very sorry to hear about the difficult communication with your parents. It can be very hurtful, in part because we expect so much validation from them throughout our lives. We live for it when we're kids. As a parent, I'm more mindful now to look at my kids in the eyes when they talk to me and I can see what a great impact it has on them.

It came up in IC that I had similar abandonment issues with my parents because there were signs in the past that they didn't care much about me. We haven't dug much further, but I mention it to you because it might lie at the root of other issues that you have. Bring up this experience when you meet your IC.

I'm blessed that my parents can listen to me for hours and I'm amazed that they always have something good to say. But they are known conversationalists with lots of empathy. People drop at their place unannounced just for a chat or a meal. I mention this to say that it's also a question of personality. It's not about you.

I feel truly sorry to my W. When she had things she felt like she wanted to talk about, I often replied with the "uh huh" and didn't validate her.

What an insight. I hope you realize how important that is. For years, you went with your life without realizing this. You're now questioning your "default settings".