I am burnt out! Subbing for rough group (not inner city gangs or anything) just not focused, rude, disrespectful, immature etc. Anyway, just makes me tired and cranky. After work I run then go to the store and when I get home the house is a mess, kitchen is dirty and I spend another hour or more cooking dinner. Frustrated and cranky! I was also annoyed because I texted H to see if he wanted me to pick up some beer for him...he of course responds but 10 minutes later when I text him to see if we have something I need he doesn't respond. As I was cooking/cleaning I went out in the garage a few times to empty garbage and such and he was texting once...no big deal BUT I hate the way he looks up and laughs when I walk out and he's texting...I'm over it. I know you're right Mahhhty. I'm going to have to address it soon or let it go.
Later we were watching TV and I was still crabby but trying not to act on that crabbiness. I did spend some time reflecting though. Yes I was tired from working (not use to working this much anymore) I haven't been feeling well. However, I came home to a dirty kitchen and still "had" to cook dinner. The reality of it is that I chose to cook that dinner, I could have made grilled cheese or something simple. The bigger issue is I have too many expectations, not just of H but of my kids. Not only do I have these expectations but I'm being passive-aggressive about it. Instead of asking them to help, I get frustrated and angry because they've been home (all day/hours) and DON'T do anything or offer to help.
Since I was tired I went to bed without cleaning the kitchen! Put the food away and rinsed the dishes...H was cleaning the kitchen this morning when I left!
Now that I've written that down I need to change my behavior and try not to let my crabbiness roll into all parts of my life. I have always done that...if I'm mad at one kid the others can't do anything right either.
New goals 1)ask for help around the house when needed 2)don't let crabbiness about one thing take over all of my interactions 3)keep things simple if I'm tired, frustrated or angry
Me-44 (45) H- 50 (51) M-'96
S-18(20)D-15(17)D-12(14)
BD Feb 2014 (he works overseas) home Oct(sep rooms) (EAs possible Pa's unconfirmed) insists wants D through July 2015 no more talk of D since
