Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife

[Sotto]

I'm a bit late to the party with this one, but I wanted to answer the questions you posed Sandi - about telling your WS you love them. I felt a strong need to do this recently when my H suggested we D. I think it really depends on the sitch, and it may well not have been the right thing for me to do according to DB criteria, but it certainly helped me a lot.

In my sitch, I moved out as soon as my H disclosed his A. And for a couple of months, I initiated contact with him and he told me details about the A, said he loved me, was still confused and so on. I may have said I loved him during that time too.

But then I discovered DB/DR and 'dropped the rope' in October. I haven't seen H since last August, and we have only spoken once by phone since October.

When he suggested D, I guess my big worry was that with the 6 months of consistent DBing, he may have thought I had truly stopped loving him. And I needed to tell him that I love him and that D isn't what I want.

I know that showering WS with 'I love you's' isn't a good idea, but it has helped me feel more at peace that I have now told him. To answer your questions. No, I wasn't sure that he did know I love him anymore. I've probably explained above already why it mattered so much to me. Third, I have no expectations that it will lead to second thoughts, but it has helped me to tell him. And fourth, I'm not sure that it would really matter to him at this stage.

But now I feel, if he files for D knowing that I love him, I can better accept it. My big worry was that I DB'd my heart out and he filed for D, and I never told him how much I still care. Fear I guess....