Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife

[gogofo]

My first question is why do you think the WS doesn't know?

It wasn't that I thought she didn't know, it was that I wanted to make it clear that I did love her. I hoped that she would understand how much I cared about her by saying it and it would change her mind.

Second question, why does it matter so much to you to tell the WS one more time?

I was feeling panicked and overcome with emotion and then the thinking stops. I just basically blurted out ILY!! It was a last second touch down pass attempt.

Third, do you believe it will cause the WS to have second thoughts, or what?

I didn't believe so much but hoped that she would respond with a "Oh you really do love me?! Well then let me just change my mind and work on our M"

And fourth, do you believe it really matters to the WS, if they are in an A and/or have filed for D?

The last time I told her I really wasn't thinking about the OM or that she had filed, these things could be changed. I didn't want to lose her or our family. The reality of the situation never reared its ugly head when I was telling her ILY.

Now that I have had some distance since this last time and worked on my feelings and seeing her as a WW (thanks to these threads) it becomes clear how weak I appeared and acted. I felt that standing up to her feelings for the OM and the D saying ILY was a move out of confidence and not fear. At that moment I felt I was being strong and confident.

In my mind I was that captain on the crows nest of the ship facing the raging storm in all my glory. In reality I was the cabin boy holding on to a life preserver, crying, and the only reason I was facing the storm is because I was the passenger.

I don't think there was anything I could have done in the immediate past to change how my M ended. I had my chance at this when the W admitted to OM. I was too weak and too excited to get back in the M to set the boundaries that needed to be set. She was no contact for a while and was happy to hand me her phone, but things changed.