I'm sorry that your meeting went the way it did. It must have been frustrating.
My heart breaks for you when I read you talking about not knowing that your H was in pain during the marriage. That too, has been the hardest thing for me to deal with. My H is my literal heart, and to know that my actions (unknowingly) throughout the marriage caused him so much pain to leave? Absolutely devastates me. And that's something I don't know if I can ever come back from. Especially if we were to D. So I wanted to give you an internet hug right there.
As for the rest of the post:
Have you read NMMNG? I actually just finished it the other day and I think your H falls into this category. Something that sticks out for me, from the book, is "nice guys have difficult times ending relationships - and often take multiple times to end the relationship." I think (in my completely unbiased, uneducated opinion) that's what happening here -- especially with the talk about better relationship, society demands it, let's be friends talk.
He's dating. He's not reaching out to you. He's rebuked your offer to spend more time, he's unwilling to work on things, you basically had to pull out getting Divorced. I think he desperately doesn't want to be a "bad guy" and end the relationship - but yet,he has.
I don't know what to tell you. I agree, ten months of NC didn't do anything. He just said that he didn't want to spend more time. He's said he's going to file in June. You say that you're almost done and view him as not willing to work on issues, even though they're out in the open.
I think you are going to have to make the decision, dear heart. You can take a wait and see approach. You can do what Toots did and send an email and then wait and see, or you can take the power and make the decision for yourself.
My heart breaks for your gan -- it really does. And I know that doesn't help you, any, but know that you've got a lot to offer, either to H or to a new person down the road.
((ganb8te))
M:32,H 32 T:10, M5 BD/H Move Out: 9/2014 - extreme anger H Mental Illness Diagnosis: 4/15 Served D Papers: 10/15 Divorced: 11/15