I've consciously been taking a bit of break with him. Not going to appts, not reminding him of commitments. No judging him.
Being the mom of a 21 year old person, I know first hand how really difficult this must be for you. Sometimes, the answer is leaving the job of taking care of things on the table for someone to pick up. Actually, that was my very first assignment from our MC when we first separated. I had a tendency to snap up jobs because they weren't being done on my timeframe or the way I wanted the process to go. It was not an incentive to my family members to take on more of the family load. So good for you for taking the right steps, Bug.
Societal expectations are not always healthy. Sure, it would be nice to have a son or daughter who, after turning 18, miraculously took charge of their own train. But it really doesn't happen that way for lots of people.
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I'm careful about that now because I don't know the whole story, I don't know the challenges others face. And frankly, it's none of my business.
This would be a truly wonderful world if everyone adopted this strategy. If it's any consolation, I sometimes struggle with this as well. But it's usually in times of neglect or abuse... or perceived ineptitude at parenting decisions. Like the parents who let their 8 and 9 year olds ride the train in NYC. I'm a firm believer in modest supervision that is age and situation appropriate. Anyway, it's not always easy. I think my own growth in this area came because I am the parent of a special needs person. It forced me to open my eyes and to see things through the lens of compassion.
Bug, it hasn't been until the past few years that I've publicly accepted my anxiety issues. I think it helped that I can see this familial trait in my extended family on my mom's side. There are lots of things that trigger those fear responses, but I actively work at the laws of attraction and finding ways of calming myself without medication. I will never be cured, and some spots in life are easier than others.
I seem to have hit the trifecta of triggers - losing 2 people close to me in less than 9 months, along with the legal and physical transition of taking my special needs kiddo to adult services, and now I have a large client who got the green light for a very big installation back in January, yet I still don't have the purchase order. This company has a big blue ball and Mark Cuban as the current celebrity marketing tool, and my cash flow has been seriously derailed by this. I'm literally down to my last few dollars in the company checkbook with current liabilities and I'm a work in process when it comes to the laws of attraction. I had hoped that this issue finally left my work life last year. Anyway, I recognize it for what it is: stress.
I've also added another potential pothole in that my D21 will only be home for the first 2 weeks this summer before returning to NY for her 12 week internship. This is a shorter interval than Christmas break, and while I really am excited for her and this opportunity, I'm sad for me, her sister and her dad. I know she's not thrilled about it either, so I'm working hard at trying to be level headed about this whole thing. If I don't, it's another way of viewing the square peg round hole syndrome. My work in this decade seems to be uniquely focused on immediately accepting "what is" and getting balanced as quickly as possible. It is a strategy that works if I get on board fast.
Sorry for dumping here... but maybe there are lessons for all of us here in this mess? I do need to find some time to meditate and pray. Lately, I've had a hostile schedule and when my head hits the pillow, I'm out. I've been painting - recently it's been 2 bedrooms for my guest room/D21 room swap. For some reason, although I'm aching up on ladders, I find the whole process calming. I need a break from painting walls, so my next project are some furniture pieces. Slopping on paint seems to be something that calms me.
Here's to shining light on dark places. Sometimes, it's only the mini flashlight, but that's better than nothing.
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
