So I am divorced.

[mahhhty]

For some reason, I have dived into the issues I had with the X on the sex front. I believe that this was part of both of our love languages. Which we really lost sight of especially after the 2nd child.

This basically summed up a lot of it.

"The person with higher desire usually approaches his spouse with openheartedness and vulnerability. Saying things like "I miss you" and "I want to have sex with you." But when those pleas for connection are met with unresponsiveness, as they often are. Then that vulnerability quickly turns to anger and contempt. Anger is not an aphrodeciact. Anger leads to sexual withdrawal. Sexual withdrawal leads to heightened anger. Heightened anger leads to sexual anorexia. And on and on. Then both people wait for the other person to change. And that is how relationships go down the drain. So what are they supposed to do. Here is what they are supposed to do. He needs to get a grip on his anger, regardless of if he feels short changed or not. Apparently, he needs to spend time with her, talk with her, and be present in her life. He needs to recognize that it is those things that will turn her on. And what does she need to do. Adopt the Nike philosophy and just do it..." - MWD, MWD TedX Talk

Then both people wait for the other person to change. This piece really spoke to me because this was also stated in the Marriage Map material that I read. In regards to the 7 year itch period. The period within a marriage in which a lot of finger pointing occurs. Of all the divorce's that occur, 50% are during this period. Unfortunately, my family is part of this statistic.

He needs to get a grip on his anger, regardless of if he feels short changed or not. I am getting a grip on my anger, taking the initiative to understand what I need to be happy, how I can be happier, and how I can live the life I want. I am learning to STFU, Detach, and GAL for me and my kids.

She has withdrawn from most social media, and therefore I know less than nothing, but the other day she retweeted a picture which stated, "Guys, close your eyes. Imagine you have a daughter. Imagine she is dating a guy just like you. Did you smile? No? Then change."

This was very upsetting to me for obvious reasons. Disrespect, Resentment, Rebellion at its finest. I have been thinking about this a lot lately. I believe she may be stubborn, passive aggressive, and be feeling like a victim, enough to not learn from this and therefore never meet the piecing criteria to move forward together. I don't understand her actions, her feelings or her life in anyway, and have very little exposure. I believe her original premises to mean that she believes getting rid of me will make her happy, regardless of what is in her path to do so. After all she only sees the kids 50% of the time. She made large sacrifices to not address our problems, in hopes of being single and happy, without the foresight that new problems would be created. Unfortunately, according to MWD MWD, Does divorce make you happy? Obviously, I am mind reading, but this feeling/thought/idea is helping me detach further. Realizing, that I need to move on for me. I know less than zero about what she is doing.

That is my journal entry for today.

I know I NEED to have a coparenting meeting with her to discuss:
- The gift/happy time syndrome with the kids (the idea that we feel obligated to buy the kids things so they want to keep seeing us, and perhaps even prefer one parent over the other). This is obviously not a good behavior. We can not give the kids everything they want all the time. It is not healthy.
- Potty Training our S
- Soccer for our D
- How to react when the kids, say they "miss Mommy" or "miss Daddy" what the expectations are?
- Promote their relationship with the other parent

Perhaps after Easter I will address this with her.

Journal Entry done. [drops mic exits stage left]