Being deceived by WAW, in need of some coaching

[Heart14]

I want to take care of them because I love my kids and I want to
be there for them in this difficult situation. But I'm not sure if I can handle it right away, without a proper healing.
As you said I need to focus on myself to be happy.
I believe for me to be happy and move forward I need this time out to get back up.

Maybe I'm misunderstanding what you are saying. What kind of time do you think you need away in orer to heal? I get taking a week or a weekend to refresh and get in a better mindset. My concern is that you are planning to leave for a much longer amount of time. IMO, that is showing your children that when things get tough you won't be there when they need you. Is that really what you want them to remember about this ugly time in your M?

The thing is, her actions and attitude is telling me she's got at least one foot back in the M.
If there's a part of her who wants to save it and I do too, then I shouldn't let her go just yet.

There isn't a lot of motivation for her to change when she can keep one foot with you and one foot with the OM. All this does is show her you are a suitable backup plan if things don't work out with him.

DB'ing is very counterintuitive. Often what feels right to you is what pushes your S further out the door. It's about changing yourself, not your S. Usually your S does change also, but you have to be strong enough to do it first. Do the hard work and you'll reap the benefits whether your M survives or not.

I think when I move out, there's a slight chance she will miss me around the house and she may come to her senses and attempt to reconcile for good.

Nothing you do or say will force her to come to her senses. You cannot control her. She will come to her own conclusions. The more you let go and show her that you are not waiting around to be her Plan B, the more she will miss you. You have to show her through action that you are a man only a fool would leave. She has to truly feel like you are moving on with your life, with or without her. Have you read Sandi2's recent threads in Newcomers? They are filled with lots of good insight into a WAW and what needs to happen before true reconciliation is possible.

But if she moves out, she'll probably live out her teenage life style. I don't see the romance between them to wear off anytime soon. It will. But not soon enough.
Therefore making any chances of us reconciling a lot more
slimmer.

You cannot control how long the A lasts. Most have to run their own course. Right now she's living in fantasy land. The fog has to lift and reality had to set in before she will choose to work on the M. That will not be on your timeline.

Honestly, if the A is not something you feel you can ever forgive, you should let her go. You will both be miserable if you don't.