W has just called me and was 'relatively' nice on the phone. She said she doesn't want to argue. Says she understands I miss the kids and it is hard for me. Says that things aren't going to be like this forever, that maybe in a month or so we could make other arrangements. Says that S6 is playing up for her. I validated her a lot better than this morning when she was raging. I did point out that maybe since our kids haven't really seen me much in the last 2 months they are missing me. I did not accept the premise at all that it was them being with me that has caused the children to misbehave. As already pointed out, if anything their exceptional behaviour with me may have only highlighted in the children's minds what they can get away with at 'home'.
She claims she wants to have them settled, be a good mum, do what's right for them etc but that just seems to mean I have to do whatever she wants. Anyway, we have agreed 2 nights for me with another day of picking them up from school and dropping them off after tea.
Finally, finally, we might be getting to the next point of this saga, the point where I hope things do start to settle down, particularly her anger. I am moving on with my life slowly but surely. I am contemplating going out tonight once the kids are in bed (my parents at home too, don't worry, I'm not abandoning them hahaha) to a pub quiz where hopefully I will make some new friends. I think W is stuck living in perpetual anger/confusion for the moment.
I think if we get a few weeks of stability under our belts, a few weeks without any major disagreement, then slowly things may make a turn for the better. I can imagine a scenario where if I just get to interact with W briefly on good-ish terms then things may turn out a little better. I thoroughly expect them not to though, what with the dragon lady in the background pushing all the buttons. I do see big blow ups along the way. However, I have developed a new attitude. Whereas before I would have got angry, ranted and raved back at them, now I am calm and their criticisms/demands/crazy rants are water off a duck's back. I do need to not get drawn into calm debates though. As MWD points out in DB, that can just be a different form of the same thing.
So, after dealing well with the last 24 hours, but ultimately not sleeping well due to the stress of it all, I do once again feel fine. I no longer feel that aching urge to contact W every day over something or other. I do feel detached. It has taken me 2 months to get here, and a truck load of heartache along the way, but I do feel good now! Now it's time to shine!
BD - 30TH JAN 2015 S - 30TH JAN 2015 PA CONFIRMED - 16TH FEB 2015 (SINCE AT LEAST OCT 2014) CONTINUAL TALK OF D ME: 31 W: 28 T: 10yrs M: 4.5yrs D:5, S:6
