Just my opinion but I have moved out from marital home. Since I have my sitch has become easier. We don't talk about us, M, R her affair nothing. We just communicate about d8 who we share 50/50 parenting of. Im only a few miles away so easy for school runs etc. You need to concentrate on you. If your wife wants to go off with OM, Let her go. Wish her well, He is obviously her soul mate and she should have been with him forever (the last bit is a joke)
Do some googling on let them go + affair and also robx and Gucci loafer. They used to post on DB. If you google around you'll find some excellent advice about letting them go.
Do what is best for you and your kids. Sitting in limbo doing the pick me dance is soul destroying and about the most unattractive thing you can do. Don't read into what you will or wont feel about what actions your wife takes. You have no idea how you will feel next week, next month, next year.
As for time to heal. The best way is to get busy. So spend time with your kids doing stuff. Do stuff maybe you never have before. when you don't have your kids do stuff for yourself. Get fit? new hobbies, pick up old hobbies, whatever. Worst thing you can do is sit around waiting to heal.
Me:40 W:35 D:8 T:13 M:10 WAW: 7/14 PA Discovered: 1/15 at least 6 months Moved out and moved on
(the last bit is a joke)