My story

[Zephyr]

Hey ET...Hope your doing well today. I am having a Surprisingly good day today so want to send out some extra positive vibes!!!

[EyeTie]

Thanks TO324, it's just a bitter pill to swallow sometimes. She hasn't mentioned our next mediation session once, so who knows when it will happen...

Hwkies, I had a good weekend actually. Thank you for checking in. Friday night I hung out with a new lady friend (she is my cousins best friend, WAY to young for me, but she was watching my cousins kids and needed some help) which ended up kind of blowing up in my face on Saturday. My wife knows about said friend, knows she is a knock out, knows that she "flirts" with me and ended up finding out that we were together the night before. There is nothing there between this gal and myself, but I could tell my W was jealous about it. Maybe that's a step in the right direction, start pushing those buttons too.

Then last night I had some friends come in from out of town. We went out, sang karaoke, had some beers and a ton of laughs. I was up early, went to the gym, went to work and then came home for a bit. Did some laundry and then went over to watch the Season Finale of The Walking Dead at a buddies place. I DID have to go to my W's place to drop off my S backpack and my D's stuffed animals she sleeps with every night. My W was kind of cold, I was helping my son put together a Lego Star Wars thing, I told her "I will be out of here in a few minutes, I am almost done." She smiled and said "You are the most well behaved person here right now, stay as long as you want." I was out the door within 3 minutes after that. Accept some invitations, but not all, right?

How about you? How are you holding up?

[T384]

I am so sad the walking dead is done until probably October!

[Wet]

But the spin-off starts this summer! The finale was soooo awesome.

[Zephyr]

ET, I am doing ok. There are so many mixed signals from wife I just need to take everything in stride and try to muffle my reaction whether good or bad. I have to keep up the de-enmeshmnent. We are on vacation and things are very pleasant. I am having fun so there is that. I've always gotten along with my in laws so that hasn't been an issue. I'm focusing on my boys and making sure They are not lost in this mess.

[EyeTie]

Hwkies, forget the mixed signals. They confuse you as much as they confuse her.

When my W does that crap, I always go back to the rule of "Believe nothing the WAS says and 50% of what you see." IT helps.

[EyeTie]

The last few days have been great! I made 4 very large sales between Monday & Tuesday, so financially, things will be much better (my W was the breadwinner, but that is changing).

She called yesterday inquiring on the status of our home, which we were hoping to list for sale on the 1st of April. But due to the kids, work and what not, it's not quite finished being prepped. She freaked out about it, until I pointed out that I was doing all the work myself and she hadn't helped at all. This did not sit well with her, so she went on the attack. Instead I said "I want this house gone, our divorce finalized and you OUT of my life!" Which in turn freaked her out I think, because the next email was all nice and friendly from her.

I think she is finally realizing that I am not pursuing her anymore and that I am ok with this being done. That it's no longer her decision only and she is having a hard time with it.

On the plus side, last night I went to dinner with a girl I met recently. There isn't any romantic interest between us (her divorce was finalized in January), but it was nice talking with someone about things of the opposite sex. Similar situation as me, her H came home and said he wanted a divorce, she actually DB'd him (she mentioned the book then laughed when I took my copy out of the car) and after reading it she realized she did not want to save their marriage. We talked for roughly 2 hours about it, how it affected her and her kids, her life, etc. It was good.

My kids come back tonight, I haven't had them since Sunday morning, so I am excited about that. I think we are just going to hang out and watch movies and what not. So that should be fun too!

[EyeTie]

My W has gone off the tilt lately. She has text/called several times since the kids got back here. There is always some reason for it, but it's usually more so to see what is going on. Since I removed her from FB, she can't keep tabs on me anymore and I think it's driving her crazy.

Sandi, I think that should be one of the top things to do on your list is delete the S from FB if you are trying to GAL.

[EyeTie]

I am very proud of myself today. I decided to host Easter at my house and invited about 10 people (friends and family). I heard last night that my WW found out about it, she confided to my cousin that she had no where to go and was hoping that I would extend an invite to her. I honestly came close to doing so, I knew if I saw her this morning, that I would ask her to come over. So instead I sent my cousin to her place to pick up my kids, so I wouldn't have to see her. She can eat a TV dinner for all I care, she has to deal with her own consequences of her decisions and actions.

Otherwise I am doing great! I know I am not ready to date yet, but I am enjoying meeting new people and doing new things. In fact, Friday night I had a few people at my house and one was a girl that I find myself very attracted to. By the end of the night, we were on the couch having a deep conversation about life and relationships (she just got out of a 5 year long relationship recently). Next thing I know she kissed me on the mouth. I wasn't expecting it, but it was incredible. A part of me that I thought was gone all of a sudden awoken. This is the first girl other than my wife I have kissed in over 4 years. Her and I talked yesterday about things and decided it was not a good idea at this point to pursue anything together, other than being friends.

2-3 months ago, when all of this started, I felt worthless. I felt like I would never find another woman. That my confidence was completely shot and I was destined to be alone. Between the 180 and GAL, I realize that things are way better. With or without my WW. Honestly, I still miss her at times, but I don't miss her BS. I don't miss the way she made me feel and anytime I reach for the phone to call her, I think back to those feelings. The lies, the deception, the isolation, the loneliness, the confusion, the heartache and the loss. I then set my phone back down and go do something else. I don't even remember the last time I cried about my marriage falling apart, at least a good month if not longer.

Oh, I also got the all clear from my Doctor recently too! No more cancer treatments, Pfizer saved my life! It's new beginnings for me all across the board and I can't wait to see what God has in store for me!

So to all of you newbies that are going through this, stick it out! It [censored]! It's horrible! But it DOES get better! Take this time to find yourself and you will find happiness! Good luck! I will keep you all updated on my life as the divorce moves forward. Thank you!

[Fogg]

EyeTie, it's good to see your doing better and dealing with this difficult situation the best you can. Also, congratulations on the results from the doctor, I'm sure that was a huge relief. Keep focusing on improving yourself no matter what you feel about your M, that's what's most important in the long run.