Sandi, I have been trying to detach from my wife. It has taken me years to ralize how unhappy I was with who I had become as a codependent person who relied upon a woman to make me happy. My wife had enough of my grumpiness, and all the rest, checked out and walked away without leaving. I know I was not solely respossible for the strained marriage (she has addmitted as much). Our marriage had lots of flaws and dysfunctions but I know the biggest issue from my side that I've not addressed was being able to treat myself with respect and choose to be happy. Some equate this to detaching my emotional reliance on my wifes affection and approval...i just wrote it as my trying to drop the rope. The problem I've had is really trying to accept that my wife that I've loved for over 20 years does not love me anymore and potentially will never truly love me again...not as a spouse and lover anyway. Also tryiing to come to terms with my flaw of being a controlling, perfectionists has caused some trouble.
At the end of the day, I have been trying to move my life forward and be happy...but I've been week and sad and longing for signs of love and I know o need to do a better job of letting go.
I am, as I type, watching the sun set over the gulf of mexico with a smile on my face. It would be better with a woman in my arms...but that just isn't in the cards today.
