Trying to Follow DB & DR

[25yearsmlc]

I am trying to be as objective as possible about your choice to Not have a monogamous marriage and yet see your wife as somehow "wayward" b/c she no longer wants you as a partner, and yet to insert my "female" point of view in the belief, perhaps mistaken, that it might help you.

So take it with a grain of well intentioned "salt", okay?

I never asked her to do anything that was demeaning.

I guess I have to spell it out explicitly...she said that she has had sex with the male half of a couple when I was interested in the female, although she didn't want to be with the guy. She never told me she didn't want to be with anyone in particular and even when I asked her for names she has never come up with them for me.

But it was you steering the interactions and she could be alone, watch, or participate?

I initially had the idea and she was reluctant for a long time. She eventually wanted to try and she made the first moves to get us into the scene.


I'd probably modify the wording here^^ to "she eventually agreed to try" and NOT that she "wanted" to. Yes she decided to aim it to as safe a place as she could, once she surrendered to it, but that's not really her "wanting" it, In my opinion.

As a wife, I'd have received the choice to open the marriage as your rejection of me AND OR as your dissatisfaction with me as a sexual partner. I could not have felt very desired by you if other women held your interest so much.

And having you see me with other men and NOT get jealous would have been a deeper blow to me. Sorry but that is how I see it. Even if it was subconscious, it would have eaten at my self image, a lot. And that's a huge turn off.



As far as change I know its definitely a change from what I had been doing. I could just "give up" and continue to live mostly like I had been before. Instead of cooking for myself and cleaning up the house and after myself I could just be hitting up fast food and minimizing any effort I'd have to put forth around the house, but I'm not.

Does eating fast food and not cleaning up after yourself sound like an adult life style or one that appeals to you, really? B/c if it does, then where is the "authentic change" you speak of? I'm being sincere.

I am changing how I've been doing things around the house. I am trying to keep things neat, organized, and clean. It started by maintaining a set schedule but now I'm letting that schedule relax a bit and trying to keep things going as they crop up.

How do you feel about these^^^ actions? Are they who you aspire to be, or are they tactics to help you feign improvement?

This is the time to DIG DEEP b/c the real journey in life is an inward one.


GAL: I did go to the Japanese group today. That was lots of fun. I was able to meet a lot of new people and make some new friends.

IMO, you cannot detach without GAL and GAL is much more effective when it involves meeting new people.
Just "not obsessing" is a step forward. Then filling the moments with other positive interactions or beliefs or thinking/feelings, is another.

Keep it up and keep posting.