(EDITED TO ADD- thanks Claire! This wasn't meant to be argumentative or defensive- I was AGREEING with your point. Appreciate the reminder!) I haven't said one bad word about my STBX. My children have brought up their mom many times in many contexts and I have ALWAYS reiterated her love for them. I can still do better at handoffs, but I am working on that as I mentioned.
I don't think she's evil. We're all human. Trust me, I haven't lost sight of my issues. I consider this whole exchange one of them, it's way more about me than her. So it's not about her being "bad". I'm having a hard time finding the words. It's like I can accept her decision and forgive her for giving up and being human. But I don't want to let go of how much I value M either. So sometimes I feel like I'm holding on to my judgment, then I start letting it go and I feel like I'm also letting go of my values and how much I cherish commitment and loyalty and M. Sometimes it can be hard to both forgive her while still having my own values. I feel like if I accept this then I'm disrespecting my beliefs...kind of. Can you help me sort through this?
Bottom line there are a lot of powerful emotions doing battle. Right now what I can control immediately is my behavior, so I'll start there. I trust I can sort through emotions in time. But I'll always be a little different in some ways.
And no, I will not be seeing her family again. I tried but could never get close to any of them. I could get along, but there was no warmth. My family, however, is a truly special one and I can understand why she wouldn't want to give them up.
Last edited by Zues126; 03/30/1511:07 PM.
Me:38 XW:38 T:11 years M:8 years Kids: S14, D11, D7 BD/Move out day: 6/17/14, D final Dec 15
