Guide for LBH who has a Wayward Wife

[Mozza]

About telling the WAS that we still love them...

The last time I said it is over six months ago, on the day that she was leaving home. So I hold the line of not telling her even though I sometimes feel like I want to.

why do you think the WS doesn't know?

In my specific case, my WW is very afraid of rejection and will easily assume that she's not loved. She needs a lot of reassurance. On the day that I relented to the S, she immediately thought I didn't care about S, even though I had just spent a week in tears in front of her.

Second question, why does it matter so much to you to tell the WS one more time?

In case she doesn't try to come back because she thinks I reject her, again something she's very afraid of. Maybe she reads my detached behavior and thinks that I'm not interested since I don't pursue.

Third, do you believe it will cause the WS to have second thoughts, or what?

Not having second thoughts, but expressing second thoughts, yes. So my scenario is that WW regrets her decision but will not let me know because she thinks I moved on and never loved her much anyway. She said as much when my friends and family weren't contacting her: "it's evidence our relationship was paper thin and they never thought we were good together".

I'm ok not telling because I realized it doesn't matter to her if I love her. What matters is if she loves me. It will come from her, not me.

And fourth, do you believe it really matters to the WS, if they are in an A and/or have filed for D?

As I wrote above, I don't think they care who loves them, they care who they love. So telling them would not make them love us in return. It's pointless. I've accepted that as long as WW is with OM, she doesn't care about me. Her mind is on this new R, her life and projects revolve around it. As much as I dwell on the past, for her it's not what she thinks about, nor does she care if I love her or not. At best, she might have a bit of pity for me and be flattered and reassured. I want none of these things.

Looking forward to everybody's input and your reaction.