Where to begin?

[Dawgs]

So I have less than 45 minutes to leave for our first marriage counseling session. My wife should have already left since she has over an hour to drive. Maybe that's a good sign, right? I mean, she is pretty high up in the military and leaving early like that just isn't as easy as clocking out...she could have made an excuse, right?

I am so nervous, that I don't know what to think or expect. I try to put on the good face for her and not break any of the 37 rules, but it's awful hard to do when I see the woman I love so very much and be within arms reach of her and can't touch or hold her.

Part of me is so worried that she is going to go in with her mind made up and come out guns blazing and I will be on the defense or just left stunned. But then on the flip side, she says things as if does/doesn't work out - I am not so sure that she is expecting a quick fix, or none at all.

I have been working on myself to become a better man, which in turn should lead to a better husband. You know, not only hte visual stuff as in doing my share of the housework - well, moreso now than her - but there is also the internal stuff that I am working on, too. Like the active listening my personal counselor mentioned. I guess that was a big problem of mine - and I hope that it isn't too late

My brother keeps telling me that work on yourself and she will see. Maybe that is the truth. I just don't know. I have a whole list of things I need to work on - from negative thinking, over thinking, and reading into things a little too much.

But, I am just so scared that I am going to lose her. I just don't know how to be as strong as possible and sometimes feel myself slipping and breaking those 37 golden rules. This is by far the hardest thing that I have ever done.

Thank ya'll for letting me talk.