I have followed your sitch as we arrived here about the same time. (Just looked ..SAME DAY .. lol) I don't always comment but I have kept up. I feel some parallels with your sitch and mine, like you said I agree your W does not want to end the M, she is cake eating or attempting too.
Like you I had the impression MC might have some good come out of it .... we went in May , like you my W said the A was over, like you I was not trusting ... my gut told me differently but I figured getting her into MC we could figure things out. Well ... the OM was still in the picture and the MC was nothing more than a "See I tried ... we just don't work" move. So yeah ... do not waste your time there.
If your W truly wants to save the M, she will pull out all the stops to prove to you she is committed, owning the pain she caused, wanting to start to clean up the mess she made. the NMMNG touches on some key points ... but yeah for guys like us its tough to be the 'ahole' ... however its not being that way, its being confident we no longer need to put up with this emotional abuse, we can and will survive if not flourish without them if need be.... I told my W I know where I am going and it would be great if she was a part of that .. but just the same I will be just dandy without her and I meant it .. when she started seeing it was true things began to change and continue to do so ... she tests often trust me .. but I am still forging forward, its up to them to catch up.
Do not compromise ... you know she will not respect that, hold your ground .. its tough love time .. she has had you where she wanted up till now and you acknowledge she is pulling out the stops to keep you in check .. be strong and hold firm ... I was told here .. "she is gone anyway .. nothing to lose at this point right?"
