hold on! - 8

[u-turn]

Thank you Vanilla for looking in on me!
I have read NMMNG. It is written about me and hard for me to change that (though I'm trying).

I am staying in my home - I have decided this. She may not leave - she is welcome to do so, but when it comes down to it I don't really think she will.

Here is my take on MC and I believe that this is different than other people have commented to me. I really don't think she wants to end our M. She is free to do so and I think she know this. She wants our M to remain as is. So I believe that this is just to appease me, to say - look everything's better now - lets continue. But with this in mind, would a MC convince her that this is not a viable way to have our marriage? It may just be a waste of time and money.

She is claiming that the A is finished. I don't believe this. Her stories do not make sense to me, she is not offering any proof, she is doing no work to convince me otherwise. She has only defended my suspicions with odd stories. (Could I be off of my rocker and so paranoid that nothing she says will be enough for me - that is a remote possibility. But if that's the case, we should just move on because maybe I will never trust her again and I don't want to live like that).

If she plans a trip - I am telling her that I do not want to go. I feel this is for her own selfishness and I would just be a driver. I think she will not go then and blame me for wrecking the kids spring break. They will survive - I will try to do things with them daily.

By the way this would only be with D15 and S17. S20 has moved on and has washed his hands of us. Maybe he has figured all of this out, but I really don't know.


Thanks for your wisdom!