Trying to Follow DB & DR

[Miman2]

It seems to me like whenever the swinging gets brought up no one want to touch my posts with a ten-foot pole. lol

Anyway, the weekend is gone and I'm back into my week routine. Only a couple of GAL events planned this week (besides the daily workout I have, 2 work lunchs, 2 meetup outings, a phone interview for a new job, church, and maybe getting together with friends this Friday), might try to work in a couple more. It seems like everything happens after Wednesday. Sundays through Tuesdays are pretty dead, so I try to use that time to make sure the apartment is in order.

So I've been thinking and reading other posts and it seems like I've been seeing a lot of mentions of letting go of the rope. It seems to me that the general advice is that:

when the idea of the big D doesn't send you into a panic,
you can honestly say you're detached (in the sense that you know you have no control over your S thoughts and actions, you can only live with their actions, and not want to be there to swoop in and protect them etc.),
and you know that you'll be okay with or without your S

are you at the point where the rope is dropped.

I've been talking with my IC about dropping the rope and he seems convinced that I'm moving towards that but he keeps bringing up two things.

1) During the process it will be natural to mourn the loss and it's something that's okay and I will have to go through.
2) Before finally dropping the rope, I should at least throw the line out one last time.

The second point seems to go a bit against LRT. I know, I know, LRT is supposed to give me a chance to become the best possible person I can become. Does that include reaching out to the S when I've become that person?? LRT does say not to contact them and let them contact you first.

As for the first point, the idea of the big D doesn't scare me all that much, I know I can't control the decisions my W is making at the moment. I can only live with them and go on with my own life. But the mourning... the moments where I miss having her around... that's what gets me every time.

I'm really thinking I need to find a new IC. I don't feel like he's helping me swim, instead we're just treading water. He actually asked how I thought I got to this point last session. That was one of the thing MWD mentioned, the therapist shouldn't focus on the past and how you got to this point, instead they should focus on how I'm going to be changing from this point forward. My IC asked a little bit. I told him about this forum and he was kind of surprised saying things like "How did they determine you were controlling?" and "Well you seem to have all the right steps in front of you"