So he's asking me about maybe getting new furniture to put into the BR he's in. I stay upbeat and friendly with him when discussing it. When I go back to my BR it hurts a bit- it just seems like a permanent move Everytime he does something like that. And that makes me feel further from him and closer to a D. I do keep reminding myself that I cannot control him. Read about goal setting in DR and what behaviours would be happening when I hit a goal. I made a note of them so I can check back to them. Operation help me become me again. A quick q, he's started doing his own washing, when he leaves it in the machine and goes out. Should I leave it in there like I have been or put it out. He said himself he isn't comfortable with me doing things for him when he has told me he wants a D.
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Also, another Q I have.. Is it normal for a wayward h to be as if he has had a personality transplant? It's like he wants to throw everything away and start a fresh.. Obsession with a new car.. Throw out clothes and get new ones. His mum he's always been v close with- he barely speaks to. He always wanted to be a dad, and now is never home. A games console he wanted for years- he got and now is unused as he doesn't wanna sit around at home. Tv shows he was obsessed with watching- now he has no time for, again as he doesn't wanna sit around - he wants to be out. Food he has always liked, he suddenly says "I've never liked" which I know is complete BS..
I just wanna know if this is script behaviour? I know not to read into things and that I can only control me.. But I just wanna know what I'm up against and if this is normal or this is something else he's going through?
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Asked for help with baby whilst I made dinner. Thanked him for helping me.. H was in a mood, I cheerily spoke to him. He then started making conversation with me- and the tone slightly improved. Again, he mentions the MC, and are we gonna go.. Then he says that his mindset is still the same so it may be a waste of money.. I honestly don't get why he brings it up so often.. It almost seemed to me as if he was temp checking to see wether I'm still into making the m work.. But I dunno. And I know most people have advised on here that it would be great waste to go whilst he's in this mindset.. I'm honestly trying my best to keep the positive momentum and I am feeling more confident in myself. I know this would hurt like hell if we did d. But I would be fine. I don't know if I had mentioned on here, but my h has mentioned a few times that if we are both unmarried in a few years- remarrying???!!! Anyone heard anything like that from a WH before?!
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Seriously? Like what the eff is that about? Thats like just using you as a back up plan surely? I asked him why does he want to go if he doesn't think the m can be salvaged. To which he said he will try to keep an open mind. I don't know what to think. And he's such a proud man when he makes a decision he's made it. He wouldn't want to seem like he's made a mistake.
No he's not asked me to pay for it. He suggested he would get some or use some from another room
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
Planning more GAL activities, getting back in touch with me.. Thinking what used to drive me.. What were my ambitions, what made me me.. And getting in touch with that. Enjoying some old hobbies, planning future activities, vacations, decorating, sticking motivational things to walls to keep me prompted and remember where I'm heading.. Been reading more DR, and excellent advise on here. Realising where I've gone wrong- this is gold I wish I knew before!! Working hard on listening oh so carefully when he speaks. He previously has said he didn't feel he could talk to me as I couldn't handle difficult convos without getting upset (my 180s when we talk of being calm, listening, validating and letting him speak). He felt I had become negative, again a 180 on getting back to a positive carefree me. I'm trying to listen carefully as he said I never listened to him. He seemed reluctant in a way last night when I asked him about his day and tried to compliment where necessary (obv not going overboard). He seemed a bit reluctant to start, then actually opened up a touch more. I need to stick with it, get level. Don't let his emotions control me. If he's in a mood- that may well have NOTHING to do with me. All I can be is that happy go lucky, confident bundle of fun that he was obsessed with and HAD to have. And I will get there, I'm determined- and when I want something- I will move mountains
Me 26 H 25 M 4 T 5 Baby born 4/14 BD: 1/15 EA: 2/15 PA: 4/15 reconciling: 4/15 ILYBINILWY- 11/15 ILY-1/16 ILYBNILWY 4/16 ILY 6/16 ILYBINILWY 6/16 Baby due 3/17 BD 8/16
