Alpha - the future is now!

[alpha99]

W just called, I answered.

What ensued was five minutes of BS from her.

We arranged to have the kids on certain days. I don't know how much thought she had given it (knowing her, probably a quick glance at the email) but suddenly, a matter of hours later, it no longer suits her.

Basically she wants me to have them tonight when it was agreed she would have them. She has complained that I was picking them up/dropping them off from her mums a few weeks ago and now that I'm not it is messing her and her work about.

I said 'we're separated. This is why we agreed to have them on set days.'

She countered by saying 'well, that's not set in stone.' She went on to talk nonsense: her mum has invited them up for tea but she wants me to have the kids and drop them off after tea, and I could have them tonight if I wanted to. Does any of that make sense? I think not.

I think from what she was saying that it's clearly the case that she now has plans to go out tonight and wants to dump the kids on me to suit herself. I stuck to the 'this is what we agreed' line. She said she is not sticking to any of it and slammed the phone down.

A minute or two later she called back up: 'This is not going to work is it? I thought we could be friendly and amicable (read: do what I want you to do) but you're just being awkward. Nothing is set in stone.

M: I agree, nothing it set in stone. However, you can't ring me up again and again with hardly any notice to swap and change the days about to suit yourself, and each time I don't do whatever you like all of a sudden I'm the nasty one. We need to compromise.

W: (sarcastically) yeah, hmmm, compromise.

She then complained it was messing her work about and each time she had to take them to school she couldn't get to work on time. I told her that I'm sorry about that but we're separated and when she has them she will have to make her own arrangements because that's not my problem. She continued: you'll get your three days but when I have them I just won't ask you for anything and I won't contact you at all.

I said: OK, that's fine.

She huffed and puffed and then signed off with a narky 'bye'.

I am getting so much better at this. Caving in and being nice would only have lead to her thinking she can call on me whenever she wants to and I will jump to attention. I'm having to live with her being somewhat angry, retaliatory, narky, acting like a child to get her own way etc, but hopefully in the medium term this is going to grant me some respect that I'm not just a pushover.

I dread to think what she might be up to tonight. It's probably best not to go there. Isn't it crazy though how two people who met and fell in love, got married and had children, bought a house together and shared many a good time, can end up in this position. I am setting boundaries and I'm doing the lovingly detached thing but I of course wish none of this was happening. It really is like she has become possessed or something. It is hard when she makes demands and threats but what I'm coming to realise is that she is full of it. I'm calling her bluff. If she wants to go down the legal custody route she will end up in a position where she has them all the time and she'll never be able to do anything because she'll always have the kids. Now I know that I have the power. She can threaten me all she wants but right now I have the power to bargain for what I want.