Affair Over but Stuck

[Hurt06]

Hurt- have you read Sandi's post on WWs? Specifically the one where she discusses "what must happen prior to a restored M?"

I don't get the feeling from your WW that she is ready for R. I don't see that she has shown remorse for her actions, made any commitments, sought to find your ideas on ways she could regain trust, etc.

I see instead you "looking for signs". That means you are far from detached, and are in a very weak spot, desperately hoping for R. The problems with that is that you give her all of the control, control she will use to continue her WW lifestyle with no consequences.

I hope it works out, and I hope she is sincere. So let's get to it.

Has she apologized for the affair and recommitted to the M?
Has she agreed to do anything and everything she can to prove this to you?
Has she asked you what it would take to work through this, and what you'd need for a better M?

Frankly, has she done ANYTHING besides express some internal conflicts to keep you on the line?

Even if her A is over, if she's not desiring to be intimate with you, who is she dressing up for? Just because she was dumped doesn't mean she's not looking for a replacement, and using you for a plan B until she finds it or even WHILE she finds it.

Just doesn't seem like you're steering the ship, and when you put a WW behind the wheel you're in for a bumpy ride.

She is not dressing up for anyone and in fact hygiene has gone down, doesn't fix hair or shave exc. mostly sweatpants and t shirts...only recently she got a small job that requires a little clean up....and of course she looks nicer going to work.

Has she apologized for the affair and recommitted to the M? ( Yes, and she has voiced it multiple times and appears to be trying, appears very guilt ridden and has admitted how horrible I im hurting and she can never take it back or that it will be the same between us)
Has she agreed to do anything and everything she can to prove this to you?( she says she is committed and will do whatever it takes, actions have shown slightly different)
Has she asked you what it would take to work through this, and what you'd need for a better M? ( no )