May I offer my perspective on all this? Your ex-husband has been extremely adapt at dismissing you. He has been deliberately vague about what path he wants to choose and his indecisiveness literally put your life on hold.
But what is maddening are his actions.
Although his words are indecisive his actions have always shown clarity. He bought a house with the other woman. He divorced you. He is raising a child with her. These actions are not vague. These actions are decisive.
If he had bought a home with you…if he were living with you and raising your children…you would clearly know what his intentions are.
Mighty, I strongly urge you to look at his actions. He is dismissive. He has always been dismissive. And now that you are divorced he can be dismissive without emotional guilt.
Will this change? I do not know. But my heart breaks for you. You are in the most painful situation possible.
Your husband is probably one of the more cruel people on this board. His dismissal of you, your marriage, and your children has been stunning. His passivity when dealing with the emotional fallout caused by his actions is equally stunning.
I am pretty sure all you really want (at this point) is your ex-husband to recognize what he has done.
“For goodness sakes—Acknowledge the destruction your selfishness has caused! Because of you (ex-husband) I (Mighty) will probably never fully trust a man again. Our children will probably never fully trust another relationship again. Why? Because you (ex-husband) selfishly wandered outside our marriage!”
But this isn’t going to happen. It never does. Even in the best of circumstances--when an ex-spouse actually recognize the destruction they caused—they never fully grasp it. This is because the destruction didn’t happen to them.
Throughout this entire process you did the right thing which was—remain committed to your marriage. Marriage isn’t the promise we will stay in love forever. Marriage is the promise that we will still be there when/if we can’t stay in love forever.
Mighty, you had a terrible thing happen to you by a very cruel and insensitive person. Maybe this wasn’t the person you married but it became the person you divorced. And I just wanted to stop by your board and tell you how sorry I am about how terribly he has treated you.
