V, you, Maybell, Calibri have all said this - I must have had some degree of co-dependence here. The need to replay old patterns. And I will continue seeing IC to address it. I chose my H bc of how LITTLE he reminded me of my father. Instead of big ego, big presence, big talk, substance abuse, controlling provider - I feel in love with someone unassuming, humble and thoughtful in nearly all respects the very opposite man. But the patterns have ended up feeling exactly the same.
The tug at my brain that someone so good is in there and worth rescuing from his own crisis. The feelings of elation and shock and awe in that cycle - I will consider what you are saying, this was abusive, even at a low level.
I changed my locks bc my friend told me a story about a co-worker today over lunch. Similar patterns. Throwing things periodically, counseling, talk, circle again in long cycles. Just the throwing things. Finally she had enough, and there was no pursuit from her H - for a long time. One night her H called her up desperate and pleading, months later, wanted her to meet him at a hotel. She did, she felt sorry for him and went to console. She got hurt physically very badly that night.
I don't know that I have any reason to expect this behavior from my H, as I expect him to simply move on to another female with her chit together enough to want to fix him and provide, be a friend to him, enable his dependence and victim life story. My gut feeling is he will never allow introspection or a break down, and is quite done.
Time will tell!
What do you think of me sending him the prod about the quit claim? Wait another week, or drive at it, get it done before he changes his mind? I'm of the opinion there is no use in waiting.
Mid 30's Psych-abusive M with violent tantrums from XH D 9/15; NC forever on
